Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
For the past several years, I've resigned  myself  to the fact  that my wife  and I aren't  going to have sex , so pornography  and  self-gratification  are the alternative .
I understand she  can be tired, ill or  angry  or  just not  feel like it . But that's all the time . She  says I take it too personally  when she turns  me down . Yet, when she insists  she  likes sex  and wants me to initiate it, I get slapped  and  turned away  as soon as I approach  her . How  can I not  take that  personally ? I finally realized I am better off accepting  that we  aren't  going to have sex  and I no longer get frustrated .
I send  flowers, take  her out to dinner, make  her coffee in the morning, make  her  lunch  for work  , clean up after dinner  and make  breakfast  on weekends . Her interest declined  when our  children were  young  . She  told me if I didn't  like it  I could leave, but  we both know that will be bad  for the children . We talked about  counseling, but she  wouldn't  go, so I went by myself . The counselor wasn't too  helpful , saying suck it up or  leave .
I guess I'm angry . So it's no use talking to her about it  anymore . So why  am I writing ? I want someone to change  my wife . But I know she's the only  one that  can do  that  and she doesn't  have much interest  . Men like me  lead lives  of  quiet desperation .
In Pain 
Dear In Pain,
Please  understand  that your  counselor  was right .  In situations  where the other person  is unwilling to make changes, your  choice is to  go or stay . But although  you decided  to stay ( for all the right reasons ), you didn't truly deal with  the emotional fallout  and became increasingly resentful, lonely and  bitter .  I understand how empty and isolated you must feel and it appears that your wife no longer wants an intimate relationship with you.
Additional  counseling may  help you let  go  of that  and be more at peace . You have put your children's well being before your own and that is admirable. When they are older and more independent, you should consider your own happiness first and perhaps reconsider ending the relationship.
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
Recently I was sub-tweeted  ... someone tweeted  something  negative  about me on Twitter, but  did not  tweet me  directly  ... by several of my  acquaintances . I took the time to call them  out  on it  and respond to the rude things they were saying, for example, calling  me a disgrace to my race  . Should I have pretended  I didn't  see what  they were saying  or was I right  to defend  myself .
Tweet Snubbed 
Dear  Tweet Snubbed ,
In the  world of social media, so much information is  swirling  about  that it  can  be hard  to keep  track of it . If someone  badmouths  you, you absolutely  have the right to speak up  for  yourself, whether  the insult  came directly  or  via-sub-tweet . 
That said, you have to weigh  when it's  best  to stand  up for  yourself  and when it  might  be better  to say  nothing  or, at least, say it in person .  Make  your  decision  on a case-by-case  basis . If something  is  flagrantly out of line, you can also contact  the provider  to ask  for  the  comment to be removed . 
Maxy

Dear  Maxy,
I  am a 68-year-old  woman who  has been  divorced  for more  than 30 years . I haven't been in an intimate  relationship for the past 10 years .
Last year I  discovered  that I have  genital herpes . The  doctor  said  that  may have had it  for years  before  experiencing  symptoms . I was  devastated, When I have an outbreak, I take  medication  that shortens  the  discomfort and I decided not to have intimate  contact  anymore . I'm  quite  busy  with my retirement lifestyle  and very content .
Here's the problem ; I recently  met a  man my age. I don't want to tell him  about my personal medical history, but I also don't want him to think I'm a prude . We went  out  casually  once  and  he  has called since, but I have put him off . I can't  decide if I should see him again and say nothing, or whether I should  tell him  I have an STD and let him decide  whether  he wants a 'friend  without  benefits.' What do  you suggest ?
 K ---
Dear K ,
It seems a shame to end  your sex  life  because  you fear  transmitting an STD . There  are ways  to advoid  that . And  your  future partner  may be  more  understanding  than  you realize . Please  contact  the American Sexual Health Association (ashasexualhealth.org ) for  information on all STDs , including  herpes,  and for  support in communicating  with potential partners . Remember, It is always better to be up front and honest with someone you wish to have any kind of relationship with.
Maxy