Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My husband  calls me the 'Throw-a-way Queen." I have gotten into hot water  for not asking  before I trashed something . Now I think I've mad a huge mistake .
We was thinking of  moving , so I started cleaning out  storage bins . I threw away two items of my husband's that had been in those  bins for years . Last week his son came over  to help clear out  some things and specifically  asked for  the items I tossed . They  apparently  were of  sentimental value to  him .
I acted  as if  I hadn't a clue  what he was talking  about , but I feel guilty  and ashamed  . This is a burden on my conscience  and I don't know what to do . I don't want to keep lying to him  , but I'm afraid of confessing . What should I do ?
Stepmom
Dear Stepmom ,
Imagine the reaction  from your stepson  when he discovers  that you threw out these two items . I think you can tolerate his  anger  and disappointment . Please tell him . Apologize  profusely .  Say you had  no idea  he would want these things , or you would  have saved them  . Say  that you  are ashamed  for not telling him  sooner . Ask him to forgive you  for  your lapse in judgemrnt . I think once he  gets past  his disappointment  you both  will be able  to put this behind  you .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband was recently laid off from a big  law firm in New York . We have  three children  and I am a stay-at-home-mom .  He is trying to find places that is hiring , but he is not  during  well . One of our children  is off  to college   next year  and we do not  have enough money  to live like we have  been since  we need to pay  for college . It has been very hard on the family  and the  financial tensions  cause  fights . It has been a rough couple  of months  and I do not know  if I can take it . What is the best way to manage  this situation  without ruining  our relationship ?
Stressed
Dear Stressed ,
Sit down with your husband  to discuss  your  finances and to come up with a plan . Maybe  you will need  to get a job . Perhaps  your college  bound child will need to get financial aid . Be practical . If you can address  them as a team , you create  space  for respect  and support  through  what will likely  be an agonizing  period  for quite  some time .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My daughter  just confronted  me about  wanting  to go on birth control  so she can have sex with her  boyfriend .
They are seniors in high school . I think that they are too young  , but I don't want  her to go behind my back  and go unprotected .
I feel  that by  giving in  and letting her get the birth control  , I am letting  her have sex  when I really are  not OK with it . What is the best way to approach this  situation ?
Scared  Mom
Dear Scared Mom ,
This is a very tough challenge  that  many parents  face . On the one hand , you want to reinforce  your  values  ; on the other  , you want to protect  your  daughter  should she decide  to move forward  with  her plan . One  good  thing to note  is that she asked  for your help  in getting  birth control . She did not  have to do  that . She  could have  gone  to a clinic  and gotten them on her own .
So , start  by thanking her  for bringing this topic  up with you  . Tell her  how uncomfortable  it makes  you feel  that she  is making this decision  at this time . Ask her to tell you why  she feels  that the time is now . Why does  she feel ready ? Ask her about  her relationship with her boyfriend . Is it a committed relationship , as much as high school  bond can generally be ? Ask if he has had sex before  , and if  she has . Talk to her  about why  you wish  she would  wait longer . Be specific  without  being  judgmental .
Ultimately , if you  believe  she is  going to have  sex , take her to a gynecologist  who can talk  to her about her  body in more details  and allow her with the birth control.
Maxy