My 20-year-old son is in a serious relationship with his girlfriend . They have been dating for two years now but they are still in college . They would like to get married but my husband and I are opposed to it because they are still very young . However, his girlfriend's parents are encouraging them to get married right away . Since they are over 18, we do not have a say but we really think they should wait until they graduate from college . We do not know what to do .
Concerned Parents
Dear Concerned Parents ,
Since you cannot control their actions, rather than continuing to say no to your son and his girlfriend, take a different tack . Start listening to them . Ask them what their plans are . Find out if they have strategy for the next few years . When do they want to get married ? Do they plan to finish school ? When do they want to have children ? How will they support each other ? Ask , but do not interrogate them .
Make it clear to them that that you are no longer trying to tell them what to do, but you want to understand what they intend to do so that you can do your best to support their success.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I work at a regional medical center and friends and family often ask me to recommend a doctor or a physician's group for them . For a while, I didn't mind giving these people a few names , but I have grown reluctant do so .
My reluctance is not because I don't trust in the knowledge and care provided by the doctors I work with . It's because of the negative feedback I get after these people visit the specialists I recommend . I am tired of handing out names of good hardworking practitioners to people who refuse to listen to the advice given to them . They don't want to take the prescribed medications or follow the regimens , nor do they follow through with the therapy as ordered .
I feel as if the doctors are judging me each time they see my name as a referral . Yet when I decline to give suggestions, people react as if I am being a snob . How do I keep my sanity as well as my career ?
Please Stop Asking Me
Dear Please ,
Medical professionals are accustomed to patients who disregard their instructions, but you certainly can ask directly whether they would prefer that you not refer your friends and family to them . I suspect they are glad to know that someone who works closely with them thinks highly of their skills . But either way you are under no obligation to give out recommendations . It's OK to tell people nicely that you no longer make referrals.
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
My 12-year-old daughter insists on getting an iPhone for her birthday since all her friends have one . My husband and I think that she does not need an iPhone . Plus, we cannot afford to pay for one . Every time we discuss this with her, it always turns into huge argument full of screaming and tears . At this point, she asks us every day when is she getting her iPhone and we don't want her to feel upset and left out , but we do not want her to think that if she begs for something for long enough , she will eventually get it . How do we teach her these important lessons without getting into another argument ?
Worn-out Mom
Dear Worn-Out Mom ,
Your job as a mom is to enforce your family's rules . Her job as a preteen is to push the limits . You really cannot let her win on every front . What some parents do when their kids start demanding expensive things is to tell them to save their money so that they can pay for it . If not , you may want to suggest duties that she can fulfill on a regular basics for a particular amount of money . Or you may want to encourage her to offer to do some chores for elderly neighbors or others . If she is so inclined to have this phone, require her to be able to pay for it herself .
Maxy
No comments:
Post a Comment
Through these open doors you are always welcome