Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My daughter received an invitation to attend her high school's junior prom and I as a mother, have a few reservations  about this . My daughter  has performed poorly in school, and I don't think it would be a good idea for her to go . I told her the bad news  and she was disappointed . I explained why she can't attend  her junior prom  and she accepted the lecture . Do you think I was too hard on my daughter ?
Momma Knows Best
Dear Momma Knows Best ,
I understand wanting to take away privileges  when your child is not performing well in school, though I am not sure  that this is an effective choice  at this moment . One option could have been  for you to use the prom as an enticement  for her to attempt to perform better . You could have negotiated  terms with her  for attendance based on behavioral and / or academic improvements .
Additionally, you may want to investigate  her poor performance more thoroughly to find out the root  of her problems . Meet with her guidance counselor and teachers to figure out why she is not doing well . She may need  a tutor  or a psychologist . Solving challenges  at school is rarely  simple . Taking away a desireable  activity may seem to be a solution, but it may be touching only the surface  of her issues .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
The other day , we invited  a couple out to lunch as our guests . However, my wife and I were upset  when they ordered appetizers without asking us . We never order appetizers, because  we watch our diets  and feel the dinner  provides plenty of food . Also, since we were paying  for it, why should they order something  we ourselves didn't order .
We Kept our thoughts to ourselves  but would like to know  whether this was proper .
Feeling Exploited
Dear Exploited ,
Guests should always take their cues  from the hosts . If you did not suggest appertizers, they should not have ordered them on their own . However, as hosts, you cannot insist that your guests share  your food preferences  in a restaurant . It would have been gracious of you to ask whether  they would like to order appetizers .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I'm a 23-year-old woman graduating with my MBA this May . I've paid my way through  college  and grad school  with no assistance . As a graduation present  to myself, I'm having a party . I'm financing this party all by myself . Since this is a major accomplishment, I wish my family would ask or offer  to help me plan, buy decorations  or if there's anything I need .
I feel they don't care. When I speak to my grandmother  about the party, her response is "I don't care  what you do, just don't make it here !" Not to have family support  makes me upset, and I'd think they'd want to  do all they can  to help me celebrate. Maxy , how do I let my family know my feelings ?
Needs my Family
Dear Needs Family ,
You need to lower your expectations . You may also want to  take a different approach . There is a chance  that your family feels like you do not need them  since you have done  it all on your own . If they are not as highly educated  as you, that could also be a source  of strain on some . Yes, you would hope that they  would be proud of your accomplishments ... and they may be . They just may not know how to engage you about it . Instead of looking for enthusiasm, plant some enthusiastic seeds . Ask your  mother  if she  would like  to help you decorate . Ask your grandmother  if she would like  to invite any of her friends . Ask things in bite size nuggets, small enough  that they can feel comfortable  responding without feeling overwhelmed . Coax them into being a part of your celebration . Some of them may come around  . Be sure to keep your good friends close, though , so that you will have emotional support .
Maxy.