Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have a wonderful husband  and a problem  that started when we married last year.
We had a destination wedding . My husband's stepfather  paid for the immediate family to stay  at a beautiful rental house . My brother's ex "Martha" surprised us  by coming  and she brought  her daughter  along with a friend  and her 3-year-old . The next day Martha  and her friend  had to check out their hotel  hours before the wedding  and simple assumed they would hang around  the rental house  until then . This was not OK.
Martha never asked permission  . She and her friend  left the toddler at the house  while they went to get food  and they came back with nothing for the child , so she went into the kitchen and made him a sandwich  from our supplies . I can understand my mother-in-law  being upset, but she overreacted  and blew up at Martha . They argued  and Martha left .
Although my mom understood  how Martha can annoy people  , she shut herself off  from them from then on . She didn't help me into my dress, paid no attention during the wedding  and spoke to no one . After the wedding we had a small reception  at the house  and she locked herself in our room .
My husband's mother apologized profusely  to my mother  after the incident, but Mom refuses  to get over it . She won't come to family gathering when my in-laws are present . I have tried  to broker a truce, and I've told my mother  I will no longer listen  when she says negative things  about my mother-in-law . The end result is that nothing is resolved .
Stressed
Dear Stressed ,
I think your mother is jealous  of your in-laws and hopes her petulance will make you more attentive . It's working . You are expending a great deal  of energy on this situation . Stop . Tell Mom the subject is closed and if she chooses to lose out  on family time, that is her decision .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I need some advice on how to handle putdowns  from my wife's friends . It started  when our nosey neighbor  saw my wife beat me in a wrestling match . Now the neighbor remarks  about my getting beat up by a woman .
My wife refuses to come to my defense and says I have  to deal with this woman  myself . How do I deal with these gossipy bullies ?
Mad
Dear Mad ,
It maight help if  you make yourself  less of an easy target . You allow this neighbor  to discombobulate you . Ignore her, or laugh it off .
Her opinions  are unimportant . But tell your wife  that you expect her to stick up for you when her friends insults you, because she would certainly  want you to do the same for her .
Maxy