Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My father, my brothers and I all served during Operation Iraqi Freedom . Only my father and I deployed to combat areas .
Dad retired five years ago  and is now showing drastic  symptoms of PTSD . He is stockpiling food and medical supplies  and keeps trying to get my wife  and me to "prepare" for when "it hits the fan." He spends hours  a day obsessively watching  the news . Our children  used to spend  time unsupervised with my parents , but that stopped  when I found a loaded handgun in his bathroom cabinet .
My mother broached the topic of therapy , and I've offered to go with him , as I've been wrestling  with some mild PTSD issues myself . But my brothers intercedes everytime  and convinces him not to go . I've been unable  to find any home counselling  services  and even our pastor says  this is out of his realm of expertise . What other options are out there ?
Concerned Son
Dear Concerned Son ,
You may have better luck getting your father to accept help if you approach this as a possible medical problem , rather than  a psychiatric issue . I also suggest you ask him to join you for an exercise at a yoga class , which can be useful for some PTSD. Contact (ptsd.va.gov) or Military One Source(militaryonesource.mil) at 1-800-342-9647 , and ask to speak to a councellor or get a referral to local military treatment facilities .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My maternal grandparents  passed within months of each other . My mother hated  her parents  and kept them away from us  . I never knew them well.
I'm in my late 20s and have never been an emotional person .
I went to my grandparents' funerals out of respect, but my sister went overboard , sobbing and moaning  during the service , even though she knew them less than I did . For weeks after she emailed and texted me saying  she couldn't sleep  and that she'd never "fill the hole" the loss represented .
My sister and my parents say I'm heartless  because I didn't respond  this way . My mother actually upbraided me for not  weeping  sufficiently . People  grieve in different  ways . How do I nicely ask them to please  stop crying on me  because it's making me uncomfortable ?
Not Grieving  That Much
Dear Grieving,
Unless someone is crying on you day after day, please try to tolerate what you can , and then gently extricate yourself . Pat them on the shoulder . Get them a seat . Ask if they need a tissue . Then walk away .
You don't have to demonstrate  such obvious  mouring  yourself . You are right  that everyone  grieves differently, and you are not obligated  to put on a show . But it would be  useful  to learn how  to convey sympathy to others , whether or not you believe they deserve it .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I used to be super-close  to one of my cousins . We talked all the time  and really seemed more like sisters . Even after she moved  clear across  the country , we stayed in touch  and shared stories  about our lives . Several years ago  she moved  a few  continents away and we lost touch with each other .
She called  me out of the blue  recently  for my birthday  and it was so sweet  . In a way , it felt like no time  had passed  between us. It was so great .
When we got off the phone, I realized she hadn't given me her contact information . I do not want five more years  to go by . What can I do ?
Cuz
Dear Cuz ,
It is wonderful that you reconnected with your cousin . I doubt that she intended  to withhold her phone number . But do not despair . The Internet is an incredibly useful tool  for finding people . Look at all the traditional social media  sites  and search  for your cousin's name . Also, think about which family members might have her contact information , check with them  to see if they know how to reach her .
I'm sure she told you where she lives . Find out if the local telephone company  there might have a listing for her .
You are likely to find her  ... if she doesn't reach out to you again first . Don't give up !
Maxy