Ask Maxy

 



Much to our delight, Maxy's Nana (89 years old) will be a guest advisor on 'Ask Maxy' for a few weeks; Providing us with her own unique view on the letters we receive.

Dear Maxy,
Some years ago , my wife  and met  a lovely couple  while on a trip to Germany . We had such a good time together that we made arrangements  for the four of us  to take other trips . We kept in contact with cards, calls and emails . On the occasions where we travelled to their city, we had lunch with them .

We hadn't heard from them  in a while, so I sent a card  that came back "Deceased." We don't read the obituaries  from their city, so we have no idea whether both of them died  or one died  and the other moved, or what happened .

The couple had several children  who may have known of our friendship, although I never learned  the children's names . It surely would be nice if their survivers  would browse  through  the couple's address  book and let  the contacts  know of their passing .
Missing Them

Dear Missing Them ,
This is a situation that comes  up whenever  someone dies . The survivors  do not always  think of going through  the deceased's address book.... written or electronic ... and sending notes to those who are listed  . I hope you find out  what happened  and have the opportunity to express your condolences.
Maxy
Nana says;
You could make inquiries yourself. Although, it could be costly to find them through a computer location service or a private detective, you may wonder for the rest of your life if you do nothing.  I know this from experience.  Perhaps you will visit Germany again one day and clear the mystery up in person.

Dear Maxy,
I am a 22-year-old adoptee . My grandparents  raised me  from 6 months old  and officially adopted me  when I was 10 . They have three sons, my biological father and his two brothers . This is where the problems lies .

My "uncles" have never  accepted  that their parents  are my parents . They never refer  to me as their sister and frequently  refer my parents as my grandparents . Most of these things I ignore, but there  is one thing  I cannot . My parents are in their early 60s and the subject of their death comes up often . Their sons  have decided  that when our parents die, I have no say in anything .

Maxy , these are the only parents I've ever had, I am legally adopted, so I have a legal right  as well as a given right . How do I calmly explain they are my parents too ?
Their Child

Dear  Their Child ,
You are not going to make your uncles treat you like a sibling . They see you as their brother's child . And although your parents  are not that old , it is never too soon  to prepare  a will  and other necessary legal documents . Your parents' wishes  and the distribution  of their  assets  are things they  get to decide and they should  discuss it with a lawyer  . They should also  have a family meeting  and make sure  that ALL of their children  are aware  of how they want this  to be handled .
Maxy
Nana says,
I understand both sides of this equation. With all the broken or extended families there are today, I am sure you are not alone in your unusual situation.
You are the legal child of your parents and their will is a legal and binding document stating their wishes. That will solve everything.
Your uncles find themselves in a strange situation with a sister/ niece. Their feelings may be a bit confused but remember they are older and were there first, so be patient. I am 89 and I am still here so you may all have a long wait.

Dear Maxy ,
I recently attended a cocktail party  at  the home  of a former colleague  from our deaf program . The speaker  was a campaign worker  for one  of the Presidential candidates . The party hostess made arrangements  in advance  for a sign language  interpreter .

When the speaker  was done  with his presentationn , I waited  for my turn to talk to him . As I got clearance and  began signing, I was interrupted by three hearing female  guests  who showed no respect  for a deaf guest  while  the conversation  took place . Their rudeness  took me by surprise .

If I were to attend  another such event  and get the same  treatment  , what should I do ?
Deaf Professor

Dear Deaf Professor ,
This type of situation  can occur  whether a guest is deaf or not . People interrupt , block you from the conversation  and behave rudely  . An alert host  would have interceded, and the speaker should  have made every effort  to be more inclusive . He allowed  these women  to hijack  the conversation . You also could  have enlisted  the assistance of the interpreter . If you feel you were treated poorly  because of your deafness , please discuss this in advance with your host  at the next  such event .
Maxy
Nana says,
I agree with Maxy on this one professor but you could have signed to the interpreter that you were just a little offended by their bad manners and she would have relayed the message to the chatty females.  You have no choice but to adapt to the hearing world. They, on the other hand have never been taught to adapt to your silent world.