Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

my 19-year-old niece just confided in me that she had sex with a young man kind of randomly .

The affair is over , and I'm so glad she felt she could talk to me about it .

We talked candidly about how exciting the experience was and also how dangerous ... for health , emotional and developmental reasons .

She gets it . She also said she had already told her mother .

I'm wondering if I should bring it up to her mother , too . Or is it better to not stir the pot but remain available to my niece to talk about her life ?

Stir or Not to Stir
 

Dear Stir or Not to Stir ,

I have learned from firsthand experience that children and young people often feel more comfortable talking about intimacies with adults who are not their parents .

That's why grandparents and close family friends are important .

I don't think you need to call your niece's mother to report what you learned .

Rather, you can let her know that you are developing a great rapport with her daughter and that you intend to maintain that closeness while your niece is in school .

Maxy
 

Dear Maxy,

My husband and I are the parents of a 15-year-old boy ."Will" is a good student . He has been in a friendly relationship with a 15-year-old girl , and it's become serious . They have had sex on two different occasions , and Will used a condom both times .

There was a brief pregnancy scare , and the girl told her parents about her predicament . Now her father wants us to pay for her birth control pills . I don't know what to say about this . I don't know what type of insurance they have . And I think putting her on the pill is saying , "Great , have sex."

Who knows whether she will have other than my son . Is he responsible for her birth control pills ? What should I do ?

Worried Mom
 

Dear Worried Mom,

It's a good sign that your sons feels comfortable discussing his sex life with you , but it is unfair to believe that a girl on birth control pills is going to be more promiscous than a boy using condoms . And while I'm not crazy crazy about 15-year-olds having sex , once they start , they aren't likely to stop .

You should be relieved that both kids are being responsible about using protection to prevent not only pregnenacy , but also sexually transmitted diseases. That said , you are not obligated to pay for his girlfriend's choice of birth control . He should continue to use condoms . Her body belongs to her .

Maxy
 

Dear Maxy,

I am about to be in an awkward situation . I was recently engaged in a pretty intense process to see if I would be hired for a job . I worked a lot with the human-resources director , and we grew to be friendly . Then , when I didn't get the job , she sort of disappeared . Next week I am going to an event where I'm sure she will be present . I'm wondering , how should I react to her ? There won't be that many people there , so I don't think I can advoid her . But I'm not sure what to say , either .

Unsure
 

Dear Unsure ,

First , you have to shore up your confidence . You didn't get the job , which may make you feel vulnerable or unsteady . That's natural.

What you can do is literally count your blessings . Write down what you know to be good and great about yourself , personally and professionally . Remember the good qualities that made you a viable candidate for the job . Recall positive interactions that you had with the human-resources director . Then remind yourself of the nature of the event you will be attending .

When you go to the event and see the HR director , walk right up to her and say hello . Ask how she is doing , and listen to her response . You can offer something about yourself if you like . Or you can say "good to see you" and keep moving .

By been pro-active and seeking her out , you will show that you are confident and strong . Hold that intention , and the jitters should subside .

Maxy