Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I would like to ask some questions of married women . What makes you think that your family is more impoertant than your husband's ? Why do you want him to ignore his family and "cleave" unto yours ? How did you convince him that his mother isn't hurt by this ?

My son has been married for 30 years , and in all that time , he's ignored me and spent time with his in-laws . I hold my tongue because it would make thing worst if I did not . Everyone thinks my son and his family are the greatest . She and her family is shrewed , and my son is spineless and blind . Worse , the grandchildren think I do not deserve to be treated any better .

My son has siblings , nieces , nephews , aunts , uncle and cousins who are all ignored . Of course they know where we are when they want a gift . But there is never a thank you note or even so much as a photo of the children .

Venting

Dear Venting ,

The best way to make sure you stay close to your children is to ingratiate yourself with their spounces . I am so sorry you've had such a bitter experience , and I hope your words will mean something to our married readers .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My guy friend recently confessed his love for me , I thought he was gay our entire friendship , so naturally this came as a huge shock . I don't feel the same way and don't think I ever will . I responded very awkwardly to his confession .

Is there any nice way to say "sorry" and I don't love you back ?

Weirded Out

Dear Weirded Out ,

Isn't it interesting the way our beliefs can color the way we interact with others ? You felt safe being close friends with this man because you never thought of him as being a potential suitor . Now the tables have turned .

You owe it to your friend to be honest. Tell him how much you value your friendship . Acknowledge that he expressed his love for you . It's very important for you to let him know that you heard him and recived aht what he had to say . Tell him that you like or love him , too , but not in that way . Explain that you have always considered him as a dear friend but your affection for him has been and is now platonic .

I also would tell him that you had assumed he was gay . If you have any specific reasons for thinking that , you may need to be ready to tell him that , if needed .

Ultimately , you need to get your sentiment across ... that you appreciate his friendship tremendously and that you are not interested in being his girlfriend .

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

My friends are really unsupportive of my relationship with my girlfriend . We've been dating for more than a year , and they still get mad at me if I hang out with her instead of them or sometimes even if I hang out with her after them . It's completely irrational , and it's like I have a bunch of girlfriends now , all demanding my time . They also aren't very nice to her if we hang out in a group . How can I fixed this ?

Frustrated

Dear Frustrated ,

Sit your friends down and talk to them . Tell them that you care deeply for them AND your girlfriend . Lay it out for them that they have been behaving in a childish and unnecessary way . You do not want to have choose between your friends and girlfriend . You would appreciate them giving her the basic respect they would desire for their partners .

Ask them directly why they have been acting so unkindly . If they have a beef with your girlfriend , urge them to tell you exactly what it is . Of course , when you are dating , you divide your time . But id they continue to be rude , you may have to choose to step away from them .

Maxy