Love her or hate her, Gwyneth Paltrow's
Goop has a cult-like fan base. The weekly lifestyle publication offers personal tips from Gwyneth on a variety of subjects like travel, well-being, health, relationships and sex.
Goop also has an online store, where you can purchase products curated by Gwyneth herself. The latest product that Goop thinks we all need is crystal eggs. For our vaginas.
Yes, that's right. Crystal eggs for vaginas. It comes in two options — rose quartz and jade — with each egg having different properties.
While the kegel exercise you might get out of holding an egg in your vagina is probably legitimate, the site also says it will increase chi, hormonal balance and feminine energy in general. Apparently, the jade egg (which costs $66!) is particularly good for getting rid of negative energy.
In honour of this new (and sold out!) addition to the Goop store, we decided to take a look at some of the most ridiculous things offered on the site as well as plenty of dubious advice from Gwyneth Paltrow.
‘The Goop Medicine Bag’
It seems Goop likes crystals! For $85, you get eight crystals and a drawstring bag. The cringe-worthy description really says it all: "Inspired by the Shaman's medicine bag from various indigenous traditions, this (goop-exclusive) pouch holds magically charged stones.
A $17,900 vibrator
It's coated in 24-karat gold plate. I guess you can't put a price on orgasms? There's also the $8,990 stainless steel version, if you're into that.
Vaginal steaming
Goop recommends getting a "Mugworth V-Steam" that supposedly cleanses the uterus and creates an energetic release that balances female hormones. Ladies: don't steam your vagina. It cleans itself naturally. Don't mess with 'Mother Nature'.
Regular colonics
Again, the body already has a way of naturally eliminating things that it doesn't need. Getting unnecessary colonics is a waste of time and can even harm you, with side effects like infections and dehydration.
Avoid chemical sunscreen
The website published an article called "Why Chemical Sunscreens Aren't Great" with lots of scary scientific words, but studies have shown that the chemicals in the products aren't harmful to humans at all. Wear sunscreen, everyone!
Sex bark
In case you're having a hard time getting in the mood, there's a recipe on how to create Sex Bark which is described as an "aphrodisiac warming potion, promoting enjoyable sex and fertility for both men and women." Oh, and one of the ingredients is Moon Pantry Sex Dust.... What the f...?
Go visit Gwenyth at Goop. It's fun.
My Lady ,
ReplyDeleteNee showed me this post and I almost curse .
Why would a lady or man need something cold there , there are fools everywhere and if someone (con person) tell them something , they believe it to be true .
All a man and lady has to do is find the fight way of having sex and be sure to talk to your partner about likes and dislikes , You have to get rid of the old taboos , what feels good to you may not feel good to another , you have to work on it .
I am from old school and believe in shooting the honeypot with my gun .
But there are fool parted from their money .(laughing my butt off)
I do so hope your mother is resting well .
Hugs
HB
Hi HB
ReplyDeleteI think ladies who buy this stuff have too much time and money on their hands. They should go work in a soup kitchen feeding starving people and adopt a child in Ethiopia. They can sit with a jade egg up their gigi, drinking sex potions and the only person it does any good for is Gwyneth Paltrow...HA!
Nana is much better now, just covered in bruises with a knob on her head. The lump is almost gone and the cut is healing nicely. How she got so many bruises, I shall never know. Thank you for inquiring about her. I shall tell her you asked about her.
Love and hugs
Bfly
On second thought, I don't think you are supposed to drink the sex potion. Maybe you are supposed to rub it on your bits and pieces. Or maybe you rub it on the crystal egg, turn around three times and throw the egg over your left shoulder. Or maybe you have to rub the potion on Gwyneth Paltrow for it to work.
ReplyDeleteBfly