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Thursday, November 12, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been married to "Bruno" for 40 years . During this time , I have found his various porn magazines hidden in multiple places. My reaction has always been to throw them away and not mention it . 
A few months ago , I again found his stash , but this time I left them where he had them hidden . I have discovered he takes the magazines out to look at the women every time I leave the house . Every single time I feel like he is cheating on me . It's very distrubing .
Bruno is otherwise a great guy , but that doesn't make his actions acceptable to me . Evidently , he is never going to stop this behavior and I don't think I can live with it . Now what ? 
Not Good Enough 
Dear Enough ,
For 40 years , you've put  up with this . Now that you know Bruno is looking at these pictures  more frequently  than you suspected , you  are  ready to call  it a day . What did  you think he was doing  with those magazines ? 
Reading the articles ?
Please  understand  that , distasteful  as it is , Bruno's porn  fascination  has  nothing to do with you . And frankly, there is  so much  Internet porn  these  days, including live  video , that checking  out  girlie magazines  seems  fairly  benign .  I'm not  condoning Bruno's porn habit, but it  doesn't  seem to be the type serious  addiction  that makes some men  spend enormous  amounts  of time  and money looking  for increasingly  active methods  of stimulation .
Please  ask yourself  whether  Bruno been a  good husband . Does he pay  attention to you ? Does  he support  you financially ? Is he a  good  companion ? The magazine  porn is only  one part  of  your  life  and  it  doesn't  have to be  the most important part . Please talk to Bruno  about  this . Tell him how much  it bothers you . Ask whether  he would  make a sincere effort  to stop .  Try S-Anon  ( ) for spouses  of porn addicts . Get counseling,  you need it . I don't  think this  is worth throwing  away  40 years of  an otherwise  good marriage .

Dear Maxy ,
I could have written the same letter as "Hopeless and Confused," who said she's been married for 24 years who doesn't show any affection and responds to her requests for deep , meaningful talks with text messages .
Tell her to run , don't walk to a counselor knowledge in diagnosing Asperger's syndrome .
Our counselor helped me move past my 30 years of pain and resentment , helped my husband to understand the ramifications and frustrations of his condition , and best of all , taught us how to lower expectations and move forward in our marriage . We are joyfully celebrating anniversary 37 years in December !
RA in Fla.
Dear RA ,
I remember  the  letter  you speak of  very well . Thank you for suggesting  this possibility  . Asperger's syndrome  is an  autism spectrum disorder , and  common symptoms  include  difficulty  with social skills  and communication . You could  be right  about this man , and "Hopeless should look into it  . More information  is available  through  ( aspergersyndrone. org )     ( )  and  (

Dear Maxy ,
I am very proud of my nails . I take good care of them , and they have grown to be long and strong . I also make sure to cut and file them if they are getting too long and crossing over into unkempt territory . I enjoy getting complimented on my nails , but some people have decided it's their duty to try and rip off my nails as though they are fake . It seems like a backhanded compliment to me , but I do not like hearing , "they're so long , they can't be real !" As someone tries to bend my nails . I have awkwardly laughed this comment off and withdrawn my hand , but I find it incredibly strange . Both men and women have done this , and I try to explain that these are my real nails and I take good care of them , but the comments don't stop . Should I peg this as jealousy or assume this is a hint to make my nails shorter ?
Not Nailing It 
Dear Not Nailing It ,
Whether  you have  artificial  nails  or  natural  nails , it is  incredibly  rude  for someone  to try  to pull  your  nail off . Given how  much you tend  to your  nails, I'm wondering  if  you ever brag  about the  health  of  your  nails . Whether  you do so  consciously  or  not , if you do, you may  want  to  tone that down . Drawing attention  to your  beautiful nails  may be  backfiring  on you right  now . 
That said , the people who are grabbing  at you  do not need an explanation . If someone  reaches  out to  pull your nails  , immediately  and sharply ask not  to touch them .

Dear Maxy ,
It's the time of the year when people come in sick to work . I take many measures to not get sick , but some ill co-workers do not seem to get the hint . I keep hand sanitizer at my desk , along with disinfecting wipes and vitamins . I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible , drink water and make sure I sleep enough each night . There are some sick people who do not seem to understand that my disinfectants and vitamins are meant for them to stay away , not invite them to my desk to use them ! People come by for hand sanitizer or to get a wipe to clean their keyboards , but they have the germs I am trying to keep away !
I don't want to seem rude and deny anyone , but I do not want to get sick . How do I keep the sicklings away from my desk ?
No days Off 
Dear No Days  Off ,
Speak  to  your  human resources  department  and suggest  that they  provide  some of the cleaning  products  that you currently  have on your desk  for the whole  company .
Argue  that you are attempting  to keep yourself well  as sick people  continue  to come  to work , but you  do not want  to be  the supplier  of  cleaning  supplies  to the office . 
You may also  want  to pit  your  cleaning  items  under  lock and  key  . When people  come to borrow  that proverbial  cup of  sugar  --- in this case, hand sanitizer --- suggest that get their  own .

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