I have been married to "Bruno" for 40 years . During this time , I have found his various porn magazines hidden in multiple places. My reaction has always been to throw them away and not mention it .
A few months ago , I again found his stash , but this time I left them where he had them hidden . I have discovered he takes the magazines out to look at the women every time I leave the house . Every single time I feel like he is cheating on me . It's very distrubing .
Bruno is otherwise a great guy , but that doesn't make his actions acceptable to me . Evidently , he is never going to stop this behavior and I don't think I can live with it . Now what ?
Not Good Enough
Dear Enough ,
For 40 years , you've put up with this . Now that you know Bruno is looking at these pictures more frequently than you suspected , you are ready to call it a day . What did you think he was doing with those magazines ?
Reading the articles ?
Please understand that , distasteful as it is , Bruno's porn fascination has nothing to do with you . And frankly, there is so much Internet porn these days, including live video , that checking out girlie magazines seems fairly benign . I'm not condoning Bruno's porn habit, but it doesn't seem to be the type serious addiction that makes some men spend enormous amounts of time and money looking for increasingly active methods of stimulation .
Please ask yourself whether Bruno been a good husband . Does he pay attention to you ? Does he support you financially ? Is he a good companion ? The magazine porn is only one part of your life and it doesn't have to be the most important part . Please talk to Bruno about this . Tell him how much it bothers you . Ask whether he would make a sincere effort to stop . Try S-Anon (san.org ) for spouses of porn addicts . Get counseling, you need it . I don't think this is worth throwing away 40 years of an otherwise good marriage .
I could have written the same letter as "Hopeless and Confused," who said she's been married for 24 years who doesn't show any affection and responds to her requests for deep , meaningful talks with text messages .
Tell her to run , don't walk to a counselor knowledge in diagnosing Asperger's syndrome .
Our counselor helped me move past my 30 years of pain and resentment , helped my husband to understand the ramifications and frustrations of his condition , and best of all , taught us how to lower expectations and move forward in our marriage . We are joyfully celebrating anniversary 37 years in December !
RA in Fla.
Dear RA ,
I remember the letter you speak of very well . Thank you for suggesting this possibility . Asperger's syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder , and common symptoms include difficulty with social skills and communication . You could be right about this man , and "Hopeless should look into it . More information is available through ( aspergersyndrone. org ) (Autismspeaks.org ) and ( autism-society.org )
I am very proud of my nails . I take good care of them , and they have grown to be long and strong . I also make sure to cut and file them if they are getting too long and crossing over into unkempt territory . I enjoy getting complimented on my nails , but some people have decided it's their duty to try and rip off my nails as though they are fake . It seems like a backhanded compliment to me , but I do not like hearing , "they're so long , they can't be real !" As someone tries to bend my nails . I have awkwardly laughed this comment off and withdrawn my hand , but I find it incredibly strange . Both men and women have done this , and I try to explain that these are my real nails and I take good care of them , but the comments don't stop . Should I peg this as jealousy or assume this is a hint to make my nails shorter ?
Not Nailing It
Dear Not Nailing It ,
Whether you have artificial nails or natural nails , it is incredibly rude for someone to try to pull your nail off . Given how much you tend to your nails, I'm wondering if you ever brag about the health of your nails . Whether you do so consciously or not , if you do, you may want to tone that down . Drawing attention to your beautiful nails may be backfiring on you right now .
That said , the people who are grabbing at you do not need an explanation . If someone reaches out to pull your nails , immediately and sharply ask not to touch them .
It's the time of the year when people come in sick to work . I take many measures to not get sick , but some ill co-workers do not seem to get the hint . I keep hand sanitizer at my desk , along with disinfecting wipes and vitamins . I eat as many fruits and vegetables as possible , drink water and make sure I sleep enough each night . There are some sick people who do not seem to understand that my disinfectants and vitamins are meant for them to stay away , not invite them to my desk to use them ! People come by for hand sanitizer or to get a wipe to clean their keyboards , but they have the germs I am trying to keep away !
I don't want to seem rude and deny anyone , but I do not want to get sick . How do I keep the sicklings away from my desk ?
No days Off
Dear No Days Off ,
Speak to your human resources department and suggest that they provide some of the cleaning products that you currently have on your desk for the whole company .
Argue that you are attempting to keep yourself well as sick people continue to come to work , but you do not want to be the supplier of cleaning supplies to the office .
You may also want to pit your cleaning items under lock and key . When people come to borrow that proverbial cup of sugar --- in this case, hand sanitizer --- suggest that get their own .