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Thursday, November 5, 2015

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My brother , "Tim" passed away from cancer two months ago . He had never married .
Within hours , my younger brother and his wife actually went through Tim's house and took what they wanted . My own mother kept all the money from his sympathy cards instead of using it to pay for a headstone . Even before the funeral , several family members took over Tim's house and property and went through his personal things. Anything they didn't want , they handed it to whoever was around .
I live several states away, and right now, I don't want to speak to these relatives again . 
Your thoughts Please ?
It's Hard Enough To Lose a Loved One 
Dear  Hard  Enough ,
Many people behave in appalling ways when a loved one dies . It could very well be simple greed, or could also have been a way for family members to keep something personal of Tim's to remember him by, but I admit it doesn't sound that way. It sounds like they wanted to snatch a share before the will was read.
And  your  mother's behavior  is hard to excuse . Tim does deserve a headstone. Their behavior shows a sad lack of respect.
 You can't change who they are. Please try to find a way to forgive them or the anger you are feeling will hurt you, not them, and it will sully Tim's memory. Take something away from this experience, even if it's just that you will never behave so crassly and inappropriately.  And that is a positive. Mourn Tim in your own way and cherish the time you had with him.
So sorry for your loss,

Dear Maxy ,
I was researching my apartment building on the Internet and found out that seven years ago, two people died there due to heroin overdose . I am incredibly superstitious and am wondering how I can find out which apartment these people were in when they passed . Do landlords have to tell tenants if someone expired in their apartments in the past ? I am incredibly curious and need to know if I have to sage my apartment .
Any advice ?
Ghostly Orlando
Dear Ghostly ,
You will need to check with your  local authorities to determine if your landlord legally has to share with you about a death in your  building .  It differs from state to state. For example, in California a landlord has to voluntarily disclose to a tenant if someone died in the space. 
 Federal law only states it is mandatory to disclose if there is lead based paint, any mold issues or other health hazards in the unit. You do, however, have the right to inquire about any deaths in your own unit. The rest depends on the landlord and your particular state's law.
The death of a tenant in a rental property doesn’t usually affect the unit’s physical condition after all necessary repairs and proper cleaning have been completed. But many states recognize that there is an emotional and psychological impact to living in such a place.
It may cause a prospective tenant to pass on signing a lease . And that is the reason a landlord would not likely volunteer the information unless asked or unless it was mandatory in his state.
Saging and prayers help many people to feel their home has been spiritually cleansed. By all means, do what makes you feel good about your space. Just remember white sage leaves are best, not ground up kitchen sage. And burn it a fireproof container. Don't let the negative thoughts control you or obsess you. If you have a healthy positive outlook. Your home will reflect it. 

Dear Maxy , 
I gave my friend a ride from a party when she was drunk . I knew she needed to go home, so I picked her up and on the way to her house she threw up in my car . I cleaned up the vomit and went home as she fell asleep . The next day, she acted like nothing happened ! I thought that was very rude and jokingly brought it up with her to give her the opportunity to say something about her actions, and she waved it off . I'd like to receive an apology , but she doesn't seem to want to give it . Is she embrassed ? Does she not understand that is rude ? 
Party Queen Troubles
Dear Party Queen Troubles ,
Forget  the apology . Your  friend  was drunk, and there's a good chance  she  doesn't  remember what happened that night ; it may be a complete blank. That could be humiliating and make her feel vulnerable. And if she actually does remember what happened, she could be too embarrassed to talk about it .
 It is also possible that she thought you were mocking her or being derogatory when you mentioned it to her. She just wants to forget the whole thing.
Put yourself in her shoes; if you were that drunk, no doubt she would drive you home. And if you disgraced yourself by vomiting, would you want to be reminded jokingly, or made to feel foolish?
Any conversation on the topic should have shown her you are concerned for her and don't want her to harm herself or her health.
That's what friends are for. Isn't that so?

1 comment:

Through these open doors you are always welcome