Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am the middle sister of  three . My mother has  always  favored my younger sister  , "Louise" despite  periods  of seriously bad  behavior . Mom has bailed Louise  out of  numerous  poor financial decisions  . She also takes her  and her son  on cruises  and buys  them expensive presents .
I recently found  our  Mom is giving  Louise a monthly  allowance  . This  is creating  some resentment . I feel I'm being  punished  for working hard  and making  better choices . Mom says  she will make it up to me  when she passes  , but I doubt  there will be much left  at the rate Louise is  bilking her .
I make an effort to include my mother  in everything with my  family , but Louise only spends  time with Mom when she being treated to a shopping  spree . My older sister  is in desperate  need of  assistance  , and I want to ask my Mom to match what she  gives  to Louise . Am I being fair or  greedy ? I am hurt  and confused  about what to do ?
Distressed  daughter .
Dear Distressed Daughter ,
This has  nothing to do  with fairness . Your  mother is  playing  favorites  and your resentment  is  perfectly  understandable .
Nonetheless , it's Mom's money . She is not obligated  to give any of her adult children an allowance  and if she wants to give  everything to Louise  , that is her  choice . If it alienates  her from her older  daughter , that is the sad consequence.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have become  friendly with a woman  in my building who really has a good heart , but she is rough around the edges . She is  so incredibly  loud when she talks  that I can hear  her way before  she gets to my door . She  just talks at a super-high level . I feel  like I almost  need earplugs to be around  her . I am not sure what I can do about it  . I can tell she doesn't  realize  she is so loud . She didn't  grow  up  with a family full of  kids  or anything . Who knows  what's  up with her , but I can't take it  . I have never said anything  before about  her tone of voice  , but I'm afraid  that if I don't  say anything , I will just have to avoid her .
My Head Hurts
Dear My Head Hurts ,
It is not  rude for you  to tell your friend  that she is talking to loud  . Consider it  self-preservation . Be direct with her  . Ask her to lower her  voice  . Explain that you  have  noticed  that especially  when she gets  excited  about  something  she raises  her  voice  and sometimes  it's  just too loud . Ask her  for  permission  for you  to give  her a  signal  to lower  her  voice  . For example , you  can literally  use your  hand  to show  her that  you would like her  to  bring the volume down .
If she agrees  , know that it will take a while  for her to be able  to honor  your  request . If she has  been talking  loudly   for  years  , that is  her natural volume . You may also suggest  that she  have a hearing test . Sometimes  people  speak loudly  when they have  compromised  hearing .
Maxy

Dear  Maxy ,
I just got  a big  check  for a job I did  a few months  back  and I was so excited  to get some money  that I went out  and spent it all . I feel like such an idiot  . But I  had gone so long  being broke  that I wanted to treat  myself . The treats  just seem to  grow and  grow  and get out of  hand .
Now I am back at square one  with all kinds of  bills to pay  and no money to pay it . I do have a couple of  checks  that I'm waiting for  , but I realize  that I have  created a terrible pattern  . I have done this before  , I'm not  proud of  myself  , but I know what I do .
How can I stop this  cycle  of binge spending  and then being  broke ?
Throwing in the Towel
Dear Throwing in the Towel ,
You need help , immediately . Many people with financial challenges  such as  yours  get help  for  free  from Debtors Anonymous  , ( debtorsanonymous.org ) Through this   program  , you can learn  what your triggers are  and discover  ways  to resist  the temptation  to fall into your own traps . You have proven to yourself  that you  cannot handle  your finances  on your own . Remember that  and get the support you need . Essentially  , you are dealing with a type of addiction . Because it  has  to do with  something you need  in your  life , it is something  you cannot walk away from . Instead  , you must learn to manage  your  behavior . It would  be wise  for you to get  a compassionate  financial advisor  who can help you  negotiate  with creditors  , develop strategies  to pay down  your  debt  and otherwise  help you  get set on  a path to making  healthier  choices  about how  you live  and spend . You can  get free advice  from the  IRS , your  local  unemployment office  and  your local community  center .
Maxy