I have been married for more than 20 years and have never been sexually attracted to my husband . He is a good provider , but there is no passion . I have tried everything I can think of to make sex better, but he acts as if its part of my wifely duties, which makes me sick .
I don't want to break up our home, but I'm in love with a passionate man who just rocks my world . He kisses me, and I forget my name . Our affair has lasted four years . Why can't I keep them both ?
Torn
Dear Torn,
It seems you've been doing exactly that for four years, but it's not enough . Please figure out what you want . If there are young children, you owe it to them to work on your marriage . Get into a joint counseling so your husband can work on his Neanderthal attitude toward women and so you can see whether passion can be ignited . If you believe sex is the most
important aspect of a marriage, divorce your husband so you can be with Rocks Your World . But having it both ways isn't working and you'll feel better when you deal with this more honestly.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My assistant has dropped the ball so many times of late that I don't know what to do . Every time she makes a mistake, I tell her, because I taught her that you shouldn't let things build up . I tell her what she did that didn't work, and I tell her how to do it right . She says she understands and then does it the wrong way all over again . I have offered to get her training support, which she didn't take me up on . This past week, her mistakes cost my company money . I would hate to let a young person go, but I don't know what else to do .
Wit's End
Dear Wit's End ,
Schedule a review meeting with your assistant . Have a list of concerns written out that you need to address with her . Give her a timeline for when you need her to have mastered the various points on the list . Essentially, you will be giving her a probationary period to get her job performance together .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I left my purse on the table in my house the other day and when I went to pick it up, I noticed that my money was missing from my wallet . I am 100% sure that I had money in there . I even know how much it was . What I don't know is who would have taken it . I have two teenage children, a younger child, a nanny and my husband .
I hate the idea of accusing the wrong person of theft . I am also very concerned, because if one of my family members would steal from me, what does that mean ? Or even the nanny ? What should I do ?
Violated
Dear Violated,
A note to you is that you should no longer leave your purse and wallet in full view . Reducing temptation is smart .
Rather than accuse anyone of theft call a family meeting --- including the nanny--- and explain what happened . Say that you had X amount of money in your purse, and it disappeared . Point out where your purse was sitting when you believe someone took the money out . Ask the assembled group if any of them took or borrowed the money . Do your best not to use an accusatory tone . It's harder for you to get someone to speak up if it seems that a punishment is imminent .
If you can, use humor . You could ask if someone took a loan out of your purse . If so, now would be a great time to repay that loan ! Think of ways to lighten the conversation . If you are able to get someone to admit to taking the money, you can privately explore the situation more to find out why the person thought that was a good idea . It can become a teachable moment .
Maxy
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