Dear Maxy ,
For the past 18 months , I've been dating a woman who resides two states south . We are planning on her moving north to live with me . My problem is her thick southern accent .
"Beth" habitually holds the last word of a sentence and draws it out . Her voice slides up and down when saying a simple word as "town" so that it has multiple syllables . A couple of my friends have also notice how she pronounced her drawl is .
I have hinted to Beth about it on occasion , but it hasn't made a difference . I have to admit , this speech pattern is both repulsive and abrasive to me . Beth has many loving qualities , but I worry about her drawl . I can barely tolerate it now , and I fear it will eventually drive me crazy .
Should I confront Beth about it ? I don't want to hurt her feelings .
Need Your Input
Dear Need ,
There are other factors to consider . If Beth moves north , her speech will adapt to her surroundings and over time , she would likely lose a lot of her accent . You also could speak gently and lovingly about this . Don't say her drawl gets on your nerves , even if it's true . Say that if she is going to be living in your neck of the woods , she might want to shorten up her words so she fits better .
Of course , she may become protective of her accent , believing it is linked to her identity and be resistant to change . If she has other quanities that you appreciate, so I advice first speaking to her to see whether she is receptive and then be patient . Don't listen to your friends , this is your life .
I recently hosted a bridal shower for a dear friend . Of the 30 women we invited , only five bothered to RSVP . Several people told the bride-to-be that they may not be coming . Not surprisingly , the bride assumed (incorrectly) that they had also RSVP to me directly , so she didn't pass that on .
You cam imagine how frustrating , not to mention wastely , it was to prepare enough food for 25 people when only a handful arrived . My point is this : When asked to RSVP to an event , DO SO . Don't ignore it or ask the bride to pass on your regrets . She has enough details on her plate right now . It takes just a minute to respond to an invitation , and it's just plain rude not to .
Too Many Leftovers
Dear Leftovers ,
I agree , but this problem has been atound so long , I suspect your words of warning will go unheeded . So this for the hosts : If someone has not RSVP'd to an invitation by the date requested , please phone them and find out whether they plan to come . ( I hope invitees will be embarred enough that it will inspire them to behave better next time .)
Dear Maxy ,
My boyfriend and I have been dating for little over a month and we've been having a great time . He's a couple of years older and has a job , I'm still in college .
He recently started discussing how he could move to the city where I'm in school and how we could move in together , get married and adopt kids .
We're both way to young to be discussing that ! The conversation made me uncomfortable , and I'm worried we will hwve to break up . How should I handle this situation ?
Dear Not Altar-Bound ,
Your boyfriend is excited and in love . There's something very sweet about his commitment to your relationship .
Some couples figure out they want to be together from the onset of their relationship and then make it work . It doesn't sound like this is where you are , which is fine .
It's time to have a talk with your boyfriend . Tell him it feels to you as if he is moving too fast .
Tell him what you like about your relationship , but also tell him that you do not feel ready to think about making the kind of plans he is recommending .
Tell the truth , if you haven't really thought about settling down and when you want tio do that , say as much . Talk about where your head is . Acknowledge that you appreciate his pledge of love and commitment , and ask his to slow down .
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