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Thursday, December 20, 2012

Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
For the past 18 months , I've been dating  a woman who resides  two states south . We are planning on her moving north to live  with me . My problem is her thick southern accent .
"Beth" habitually holds the last word of a sentence  and draws it out  . Her voice slides up and down  when saying a simple word as "town" so that it has multiple syllables . A couple of my friends  have also  notice how she pronounced her drawl is .
I have hinted to Beth  about it  on occasion  , but it hasn't made a difference . I have to admit  , this speech pattern is both repulsive and abrasive to me . Beth has many loving qualities  , but I worry about her drawl . I can barely tolerate it now  , and I fear it will eventually drive me crazy .
Should I confront Beth about it ? I don't want to hurt her feelings .
Need Your Input
Dear Need ,
There are other factors to consider  . If Beth moves north , her speech will adapt to her surroundings  and  over time  , she would likely lose a lot of her accent . You also could  speak gently  and lovingly about this . Don't say her drawl gets on your nerves  , even if it's true . Say that if she is going to be living in your  neck of the woods  , she might want to shorten up her words  so she fits better .
Of course , she may become protective of her accent  , believing it is linked  to her identity  and be resistant  to change . If she has other quanities  that you appreciate, so I advice  first speaking  to her to see whether  she is receptive  and then be patient . Don't listen to your friends , this is your life .

Dear Maxy,
I recently hosted  a bridal shower  for a dear friend  . Of the 30 women we invited , only five bothered to RSVP . Several people  told the bride-to-be  that they may not be coming  . Not surprisingly , the bride  assumed (incorrectly) that they had also RSVP to me directly  , so she didn't pass that on .
You cam imagine  how frustrating  , not to mention  wastely , it was to prepare  enough food for 25 people  when only a handful arrived . My point is this  : When asked  to RSVP to an event  , DO SO . Don't ignore  it or ask  the bride  to pass on your regrets  . She has enough  details  on her plate right now  . It takes just a minute  to respond  to an invitation  , and it's just plain rude  not to .
Too Many Leftovers
Dear Leftovers ,
I agree  , but this problem  has been atound  so long  , I suspect your words  of warning will go unheeded . So this for the hosts : If someone has not RSVP'd to an invitation  by the date requested  , please phone them  and find out whether  they plan to come . ( I hope invitees will be embarred  enough  that it will inspire them to behave better next time .)

Dear Maxy ,
My boyfriend  and I have been dating  for little over a month and we've been having a great  time  . He's a couple of years older and has a job , I'm still in college .
He recently started  discussing how he could move  to the city where  I'm in school  and how we could move in together , get married and adopt kids .
We're both way to young  to be discussing  that ! The conversation  made me uncomfortable  , and I'm worried  we will hwve to break up . How should I handle  this situation ?
Not Altar-Bound
Dear Not Altar-Bound ,
Your boyfriend is excited  and in love . There's something  very sweet  about his commitment  to your relationship .
Some couples figure out they want  to be together  from the onset of their relationship and then make it work . It doesn't sound  like this is where  you are , which is fine .
It's time to have a talk with your boyfriend  . Tell him it feels to you  as if he is moving too fast .
Tell him what you like about your relationship , but also tell him that  you do not feel ready  to think about making  the kind of plans  he is recommending .
Tell the truth , if you haven't really  thought  about settling down  and when you want tio do that  , say as much . Talk about  where your head is  . Acknowledge that you appreciate his pledge  of love  and commitment , and ask his to slow down .

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