Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been a vegetarian for about five months . This may not seem like a problem , but all my family members  are huge meat eaters . I haven't told anyone yet about my decision because  of the backlash I would get .
The holidays are right around the corner  , and I'm nervous  about seeing my whole family  and revealing my secret .
I can't keep it from them , because  they will know  and we  don't have a traditional spread . Our main course  consists of steak (along with turkey) !
I know they will make a big deal  and will argue with my decision .
How can I prepare for this  conversation ? I want them to respect me for not eating meat , not treat me like an alien .
Vegetarian

Dear Vegetarian ,
I'm not sure  you will have as big a problem  as you imagine , largely because people  do not pay as much attention  to what others eat as you think . If you fill your plate  with all the vegetables  your family is serving  and eat a hearty  meal , you will be demonstrating  that you are a healthy eater .
If asked why your plate  is meatless , you can explain  that you have chosen  to stop eating meat for a while . You can ease your family  into the notion of your new eating habits  without scaring  them by telling them this is a several-month-practice  that you are trying .
Be prepared to explain why , preferably without bad mouthing  their eating habits .
For example  , if you have become a vegetarian  because  you want to lower your cholesterol or lose weight  , make sure  to center your explanation  on what your own vegetarianism might do for them . If you are now flesh-averse, you should keep that to yourself . You don't want to offend them .
You also don't want to worry your family . Many people  believe that a vegetarian lifestyle  does not provide  adequate nutrition . Make sure you know what foods provide nutrients so you can describe that if they ask . Please don't visit  with the intention of educating anyone .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I've been friends with "Sue" and "Mary" for years . Last year , I asked Sue  to drive me to a cosmetic medical procedure  . She asked me to include Mary , which meant planning  the trip around Mary , which meant  planning the trip around Mary's work schedule .
We set tentative dates  , and I made motel reservations  and arranged clinic availability . Mary kept changing her mind  about coming  and finally admitted that she didn't want the procedure  . When she cancelled again  , Sue moved up our departure time  . Mary then reconsidered  and wanted to come after all . I told her the departure time had been moved up  , and she said  she'd drive herself  and meet us up there .
Two days later  , Mary sent me a letter saying she wasn't coming  and lambasted  me because I "didn't know what it was to be a friend." I thought  we'd talk it out  , but that was a year ago  , and we have yet to speak .
I don't think I owe Mary an apology . Any suggestions ?
Three's a Crowd

Dear Crowd ,
You don't owe her an apology , although  it might help to say you are sorry  that things became so complicated  and difficult , and you regret  that the friendship suffered as a result .
Maxy

Dear Maxy
I received an email from friends , inviting me  to their home  for the holidays . I went to their home last year  and I got sick  and was in bed for 3 days  . I'm not sure  I want to go to their home  this year . I haven't answered the invitation yet .
How do I turn  them down without hurting their feelings ?
Guest

Dear Guest,
Thank your friends  for the invitation and tell them you have made other plans .
Maxy