The Definition of Marriage

Sociologists and anthropologists have been debating this topic for over half a century.

 How can we do that if we can’t be clear what, exactly, we are talking about? Finding a universal definition of marriage, though, has proven to be difficult.

If you don’t believe me, try the following exercise: Take a piece of paper and write down what you think is the definition of marriage.  Take your time, I can wait...
Okay. So with your definition of marriage, ask yourself this question:  If two people are in a relationship and some of the characteristics that you have said define marriage are not present, then are they married or not married?  You might then ask a different question: Is everyone who is in a relationship that has these characteristics, in fact, married? Or are there relationships which fit your definition where the partners are not married. It all boggles my feeble mind.

In 1951 the Royal Anthropological Institute of Britain defined marriage as "the union between a man and a woman such that children born to the woman are the recognized legitimate offspring of both partners." Leaving aside the modern recognition of same-sex marriages, does this definition of marriage fit all instances in which a society might traditionally recognize a couple as married?
How about the women in some West African societies that are married to another woman as a "female husband" and where children born in that relationship are considered the heirs of that female husband?....Or the traditional practice of marriage in Tibet where one woman is married to two or more brothers?....Or marriage in societies that believe in "partible" paternity, the belief that children are biologically related to all the men the woman has had sex with during her pregnancy?... Clearly the concept of marriage in these societies falls outside of this definition.

The famous anthropologist George Murdock defined marriage as "a universal institution that involves a man and a woman living together, engaging in sexual activity, and cooperating economically."
But what of societies where men and women do not live together when married? Societies like the Ashanti of Ghana or the Minangkabau of Indonesia where men continue to live with their mothers and sisters after marriage...... Or Gururumba couples in New Guinea who sleep in separate houses and work separate plots of land.  There are even marriages in which the couple does not economically cooperate, like an African Society, the Yoruba who do not pool economic resources or even raise their children together.

Anthropologist Suzanne Frayser defines marriage as "a relationship within which a society socially approves and encourages sexual intercourse and the birth of children". Edmund Leach says "marriage is a "set of legal rules" that govern how goods, titles, and social status "are handed down from generation to generation."

I think the bottom line is that there no universal definition of marriage and that marriage, traditionally, has been defined at the social level.  It is this fact that creates conflict in societies that encourage individualism and where men and women (and men and men, and women and women) choose to define their own relationships as marriage contrary to what their society may set as paramters.

I define my marrige with a quote from a simple Christian wedding vow: " To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." If that doesn't fall in to someone's idea of marriage then I am quitting this marriage thing.