Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
We recently had dinner at a local restaurant   with three other couples . Usually , a tip is automatically added with parties of six or more , but this time , the server did not do so.

Our friend, who handled the check added the tip to the total bill , including the fairly hefty tax , and then divided by the numbers of couples to see what each owed . I was taught that  one gave a tip on the price of the meal , not including the tax.  Who is correct ? 
  

Janice W.

Dear Janice ,
 You are , although we are sure the server appreciated the extra money . I recommend you handle the check next time.

Dear Maxy .
 I share a cubicle with someone who has bad breath . Every time I offer my co-worker a stick of gum , she politely  declines. I don't know what to say to her without being rude . Do you have any suggestions ?

Hannah M.

Dear Hannah ,
 I can't tell you how many times I receive some version of this question. It has come so frequently that I have done quite a bit of research  on mouth odor , and have discovered  that bad breath  may actually serve as a health warning.
Mouth odor, especially chronic halitosis, can be a sign of illness , anything from gum disease to intestinal problems . How do you address this ? It will be awkward  to approach her. Still, I recommend that if her breath offends you, speak up out of respect for her.
Privately tell her you've noticed that sometimes she has sour breath and you thought she would want to know, because it may be a sign of a health problem . She will likely bristle, but if you state it plainly, politely and as a friend, she will hear you.


 Dear Maxy,
 I am  a woman in my  mid thirties. I am divorced and have one child. I recently had to move because of a new job.  I changed my family doctor to one closer to where I live. I have had three appointments with him  so far, one with my child and two by myself. I can tell he is attracted to me and I am embarrassed to get undressed or let him give me any kind of exam. Changing doctors again would be such a hassle  and he came so highly recommended. He is also within walking distance of my house. Please tell me how to handle this situation.

Joan R.

Dear Joan,
This is a difficult situation. it is necessary for you to be comfortable and at ease with your physician and to feel complete trust in him. As long as he is behaving in a perfectly ethical and professional way and does not act on his attraction to you, you could wait and see if his feelings die out naturally.  But if you are too uncomfortable to follow this course then you must seek a new family doctor, even if it is inconvenient and out of your way.
The relationship between doctor and patient  is very important. You put your life and those of your children  in his hands. Boundaries must be respected.

The Definition of Marriage

Sociologists and anthropologists have been debating this topic for over half a century.

 How can we do that if we can’t be clear what, exactly, we are talking about? Finding a universal definition of marriage, though, has proven to be difficult.

If you don’t believe me, try the following exercise: Take a piece of paper and write down what you think is the definition of marriage.  Take your time, I can wait...
Okay. So with your definition of marriage, ask yourself this question:  If two people are in a relationship and some of the characteristics that you have said define marriage are not present, then are they married or not married?  You might then ask a different question: Is everyone who is in a relationship that has these characteristics, in fact, married? Or are there relationships which fit your definition where the partners are not married. It all boggles my feeble mind.

In 1951 the Royal Anthropological Institute of Britain defined marriage as "the union between a man and a woman such that children born to the woman are the recognized legitimate offspring of both partners." Leaving aside the modern recognition of same-sex marriages, does this definition of marriage fit all instances in which a society might traditionally recognize a couple as married?
How about the women in some West African societies that are married to another woman as a "female husband" and where children born in that relationship are considered the heirs of that female husband?....Or the traditional practice of marriage in Tibet where one woman is married to two or more brothers?....Or marriage in societies that believe in "partible" paternity, the belief that children are biologically related to all the men the woman has had sex with during her pregnancy?... Clearly the concept of marriage in these societies falls outside of this definition.

The famous anthropologist George Murdock defined marriage as "a universal institution that involves a man and a woman living together, engaging in sexual activity, and cooperating economically."
But what of societies where men and women do not live together when married? Societies like the Ashanti of Ghana or the Minangkabau of Indonesia where men continue to live with their mothers and sisters after marriage...... Or Gururumba couples in New Guinea who sleep in separate houses and work separate plots of land.  There are even marriages in which the couple does not economically cooperate, like an African Society, the Yoruba who do not pool economic resources or even raise their children together.

Anthropologist Suzanne Frayser defines marriage as "a relationship within which a society socially approves and encourages sexual intercourse and the birth of children". Edmund Leach says "marriage is a "set of legal rules" that govern how goods, titles, and social status "are handed down from generation to generation."

I think the bottom line is that there no universal definition of marriage and that marriage, traditionally, has been defined at the social level.  It is this fact that creates conflict in societies that encourage individualism and where men and women (and men and men, and women and women) choose to define their own relationships as marriage contrary to what their society may set as paramters.

I define my marrige with a quote from a simple Christian wedding vow: " To have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness or in health, to love and to cherish 'till death do us part. And hereto I pledge you my faithfulness." If that doesn't fall in to someone's idea of marriage then I am quitting this marriage thing.

Blocking Enzyme Can Prevent Cancer Spread

 
Scientists at the UK's Institute of Cancer Research have prevented breast cancer spreading to other organs in mice by blocking a chemical. In their experiments, they showed that blocking the enzyme LOXL2 prevented metastasis.  Cancer charities say the research shows great promise.

The authors of the report say 90% of cancer deaths are due to tumours migrating around the body.  When they looked at patients with breast cancer, they showed that high levels of the enzyme LOXL2 were linked with cancer spread and poor survival rates.

They also showed that LOXL2 was important in the early stages of cancer spread. It helps cancerous cells escape from the breast tissue and get into the bloodstream. In their studies on mice, they used chemicals and antibodies to block the activity of LOXL2. This stopped breast cancer spreading to other tissues.  The findings are not just important for drug development, but also for developing a test which can predict the likelihood of cancer spreading and as a result, patient outcomes.

Arlene Wilkie, Director of Research and Policy at Breast Cancer Campaign, which funded the study with the ICR and Cancer Research UK, said: "Dr Erler's results are very exciting, as although currently we can treat breast cancer that has spread, we cannot cure it.  "By using LOXL2 to predict whose cancer will spread and drugs to block the enzyme to stop this from happening, many more lives could be saved. This laboratory research shows great promise and we look forward to seeing how it translates into patients."

Women are terrified of breast cancer. The biggest fear is that it will metastisize or spread to the lymphatic system, lungs, liver or brain and even the bones and become a virtual death sentence. To stop breast cancer in it's tracks and treat it without fear of it travelling will take a lot of the fear and stress away. Bravo!...to Dr Erler and his team.

Five Ways To Ruin Your Feet

We'd like to re-introduce you to a part of your body you may have not seen for a while , and you may loke what you  see.

Fashion friend : Meet your feet . You know , the ones that have been wrapped up in socks and boots all winter . The ones you have neglected , ignored  and abused . How have you been hurting them ? Let us count the ways :

1)  The wrong shoes :
Cheap shoes , uncomfortable shoes  , or shoes that don't fit won't just giv e you aching feet ...they could create serious medical problems  that last a lifetime . So choose your shoes carefully  ... the wrong footwear can lead to stress factures , plantar fascitis  (swelling of the tissure at the the bottom of your feet), or hammer toes.
Some ground rules , the heel should be firm and the toes shouldn't bend or twist , "Look at your feet , look at your shoes . If they don't resemble each other , you shouldn't be walking around in them ,"  says Dr. Johanna  Youner , a New York City-based podiatrist .
Bad news for ladies  who love their Loubouting : Five inch heels may be okay for a party or a date  , but they're certainly not for everyday . "Stilettos  are gorgeous  and everybody loves the way they look in them , but to wear them to walk around is not the best way to go ," says Dr. Youner.

2) Perils of the pedicure :
A pedicure  may be relaxing  ... and a great way to get winter feet looking presentable again ... but an ingrown toenail will certainly stress you out   . Germs  picked up during a pedicure can lead to an ingrown toenail  or an infection .
If that happens don't go back to the salon , says Dr. Youner  ...see a podiatrist beforw it gets worse . A good rule of thumb is to choose a salon where the foot-soaking tub is either disposable or removable  , because a lot of infections may originate in the plumbling .
It can't hurt to  bring your own tools  either ...and even if it's yurs  , clean them before you head out  , and when in doubt , apply some  Bacitracin  to your feet when you get home .

3)  Yoga mat yuck :
Forgetting your own mat  when you go to  yoga may cost more than a $1 mat rental fee ...yoga mats  are notorious for spreading  plantar warts .
Sweat creates the humid atmosphere in which warts flourish , and that combined with a shared mat can add up to plantar warts or athete's foot .
"I would be reticent to take my own socks off in  a yoga studio , not because I'm accusing anyone of being dirty  , just because it's very human to transmit warts ," says Dr. Youner  . So bring your own yoga mat or pick up some yoga socks . Gaiam's No-Slip Yoga Soc ks  are  a popular choice  ...and loose yourself in practice.

4)  Beware of moisture :
Foot scourges like athlete's foot and plantar warts thrive in winter ... so you should do your best to keep your feet protected and dry . If you take a  shower after your workout   at the gym , try to remember to bring your flip-flops .
But even  if you don't  , donn't despair : You can wipe your feet down with a little  alcohol to make sure all is clear , say Dr. Youner .
When you're wearing shoes  , make sure your feet stays dry , she urges . "The best protective thing is just to put some  cornstarch in your closed shoes ," says Dr. Youner . "it protects you from all sorts of things that can break down your skin." This is especially important with boots .

5)  Running a risk :
Yes ,  execise is good for you ; but repetitive actions can hurt your feet , especially if you're not wearing the best footwear . Dancing ...particularly in ballet  toe shoes  (See  Black Swan)  is particularly hazardous for your feet , so dance with care.
Running , too , which causes the foot to be repeatedly pushed into heel and toe   can cause  bleeding under the nail . If that happens , the toe won't grow back normally ...ever.
This is a common problem podiatrists see around marathons , says Dr. Youner . If this ( or any of the above foot problems ) does happen , she urgues , see a podiatrist as soon as possible  . "Don't let your injury get to the poin t where the nail falls off ,"  she warns.

Human Nature and Blondes With Big Breasts

Human nature is one of those things that everybody talks about but no one can define precisely. Every time we fall in love, fight with our spouse, get upset about the influx of immigrants into our country, or go to church, we are, in part, behaving as a human animal with our own unique evolved nature—human nature.

This means two things. First, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are produced not only by our individual experiences and environment in our own lifetime but also by what happened to our ancestors millions of years ago. Second, our thoughts, feelings, and behavior are shared, to a large extent, by all men or women, despite seemingly large cultural differences. Human behavior is a product both of our innate human nature and of our individual experience and environment.
 The statements in this article are true, supported by documented scientific evidence. Like it or not, human nature is simply not politically correct.

Men like blond bombshells (and women want to look like them)
Long before TV—in 15th- and 16th- century Italy, and possibly two millennia ago—women were dying their hair blond. A recent study shows that in Iran, where exposure to Western media and culture is limited, women are actually more concerned with their body image, and want to lose more weight, than their American counterparts. It is difficult to ascribe the preferences and desires of women in 15th-century Italy and 21st-century Iran to socialization by media.

Women's desire to look like Barbie—young with small waist, large breasts, long blond hair, and blue eyes—is a direct, realistic, and sensible response to the desire of men to mate with women who look like her. There is evolutionary logic behind each of these features.

Men prefer young women in part because they tend to be healthier than older women. One accurate indicator of health is physical attractiveness; another is hair. Healthy women have lustrous, shiny hair, whereas the hair of sickly people loses its luster. Because hair grows slowly, shoulder-length hair reveals several years of a woman's health status.

Men also have a universal preference for women with a low waist-to-hip ratio. They are healthier and more fertile than other women; they have an easier time conceiving a child and do so at earlier ages because they have larger amounts of essential reproductive hormones. Thus men are unconsciously seeking healthier and more fertile women when they seek women with small waists.

Until very recently, it was a mystery to evolutionary psychology why men prefer women with large breasts, since the size of a woman's breasts has no relationship to her ability to lactate. But Harvard anthropologist Frank Marlowe contends that larger, and hence heavier, breasts sag more conspicuously with age than do smaller breasts. Thus they make it easier for men to judge a woman's age (and her reproductive value) by sight—suggesting why men find women with large breasts more attractive.

Alternatively, men may prefer women with large breasts for the same reason they prefer women with small waists. A new study of Polish women shows that women with large breasts and tight waists have the greatest fecundity, indicated by their levels of two reproductive hormones (estradiol and progesterone).

Blond hair is unique in that it changes dramatically with age. Typically, young girls with light blond hair become women with brown hair. Thus, men who prefer to mate with blond women are unconsciously attempting to mate with younger (and hence, on average, healthier and more fecund) women. It is no coincidence that blond hair evolved in Scandinavia and northern Europe, probably as an alternative means for women to advertise their youth, as their bodies were concealed under heavy clothing.

Women with blue eyes should not be any different from those with green or brown eyes. Yet preference for blue eyes seems both universal and undeniable—in males as well as females. One explanation is that the human pupil dilates when an individual is exposed to something that she likes. For instance, the pupils of women and infants (but not men) spontaneously dilate when they see babies. Pupil dilation is an honest indicator of interest and attraction. And the size of the pupil is easiest to determine in blue eyes. Blue-eyed people are considered attractive as potential mates because it is easiest to determine whether they are interested in us or not.

The irony is that none of the above is true any longer. Through face-lifts, wigs, liposuction, surgical breast augmentation, hair dye, and color contact lenses, any woman, regardless of age, can have many of the key features that define ideal female beauty. And men fall for them. Men can cognitively understand that many blond women with firm, large breasts are not actually 15 years old, but they still find them attractive because their evolved psychological mechanisms are fooled by modern inventions that did not exist in the ancestral environment.
I'm still not going for bleached hair and implants. First of all, I would know that any guy who asked me out was really asking my bleached hair and implants out....Yuck! And not good for my self esteem. Secondly, I would feel so fake and that is not good for me or my self esteem. I am kind of fond of my skinny brunette self and would like a mate who is fond of me as I really am.

PS: I would like to know where the impression that blondes are dumb came from. And what purpose does that serve?

White Bean Turkey Chili

                                  Hands on : 25 minutes

                                  Total : 35 minutes

                                  Makes 8 serving   ( 1-  1/4 cups  each)

Pam Original Non-Stick cooking spray
1 pkg (20 oz) lean ground turkey
1 cup chopped onion
1 cup chopped green bell pepper
1 can (14.5 oz) Hunt's Diced Tomatoes , undrained
2 cans  (15 oz each) Great Nothern beans , drained and rinsed
 2  cans (11.5) tomato vegetable juice
 1 Tablespoons of chili power
 1/2 teaspoon  ground cumin

1)  Spray large saucepan with cooking spray . Add ground turkey , onion and green bell peppers . Cook and stir over medium heat about 8 minutes  or until turkey is crumbled and no longer pink .

2)  Stir in undrained tomatoes , beans , vegetables , chili power  and cumin . Bring to a boil, stirring occasionally, Reduce heat to low, simmer 15 minutes , stiring occasionally.

Don't forget the the salad , you can put a small dish of butter pickles  and cheese and the crackers...out all day, fast and easy .

Why Women Lose Interest In Sex

Men often complain that their wives or girlfriends lose interest in sex , but do they really know why this occurs ?  Obviously , there can be multiple factors  , but not a single one of them means she's lost interest in you . It is entirely possible for a woman to lose interest in sex and still find her husband or boyfriend attractive  ; there are simply extenuating circumstances  that reduce the sex drive and curb libido.

Six top reasons  :
1) Body image :
When a woman doesn't feel attractive , it can be difficult for her to maintain interest in sex . She's thinkin g about  the way her husband or boyfriend  perceives her body and that she has trouble getting aroused . Men have a hard time understanding this because they don't normally translate their  body image into their sex life , but this is just one way in which men are patently different from women.
Fear of  Intimacy  :
Unlike men , women have a tendency to equate sexual intimacy with emotional intimacy , which can be one reason why they lose interest in sex .  If a woman fears getting close to a man emotionally, she isn't going to want to be intimate with him sexually . This doesn't necessarily mean that there's  anything wrong with her partner ; it simply means that both people need to work on building trust.
Lack of Sleep :
Fatique can wear down all of  the senses , which might be why women lose interest in sex . If all you can think about is catching a few  Z's , sex is low on the priority list . If  your wife or girlfriend  hasn't been getting enough sleep --  or is experiencing low-quality sleep -- she may lose her desire to have sex . Try taking a nap together  or watching televison in bed  until you fall asleep rather than pushing the sex issue.
Increase in Stress :
This is something that your wife or girlfriend my experience from time-to-time  . When women (and even men) experience high levels of stress  at work or at home , sex becomes a non-issue . This is because the mind is preoccupied with other matters and doesn't have the ability to become interested in sex. If your wife or girlfriend are experiencing high levels of stress , try doing what you can to allieviate it .
Relationship Disagreements :
Some men can have a fight with their wives or girlfriends  and then jump into bed  five minutes later  with no thought to the subject of that disagreement . Most women are different ; when they are experiencing discord in relationships , many women lose interest in sex . Rather than trying to push for physcial intimacy , resolve the issue about which you are fighting  and then head for the bedroom .
Feeling of Inadequacy
Men often think that they are the only ones who experience feelings of inadequacy in bed , but women go through the same emotions . If your wife or girlfriend  feels as though  she can't please you when you're intimate , she might lose interest in sex . Make sure that you tell her what she's doing right  and encourage her to be adventurous . Don't let her go on thinking that you're dissatisfied  with your sex life.

All  of these are emotional reasons why your wife or girlfriend  might lose interest in sex, this article  doesn't really touch the physical side . Breast-feeding  has been known to decrease libido as have low levels of  testosterone and high levels of   SHBG ( sex  horomone binding globulin) . If you think that the reasons might be physical , talk to your  primary care physician about your options .

Baby Gymnastics Could Be Dangerous

 Moscow:

Oleg trains with young babies - Pavel is 17 days old

Oleg Tyutin is a psychotherapist, but for the past 20 years he has been practising a different kind of medicine.

He trains young mums like Victoria Kurzina to do the kind of exercises with their babies that would spark an outcry in the West. Mr Tyutin holds Victoria's baby by the legs, so that little Pavel is dangling upside down - and swings him gently from side to side like a pendulum. Then, like the game of cup and ball, he swings the baby up towards him and catches him in his chest.

Pavel is just 17 days old. The Russians call this dynamic baby gymnastics. The practice is legal in Russia and widespread. There are believed to be hundreds of practitioners across the country. Oleg maintains it gives babies a head start in life.  "When they're born, babies are very tense," Oleg explains. "They're frightened by the wide, open space around them. This procedure helps a baby adapt to their new surroundings. It makes infants more open, more sociable, more relaxed. It also helps them develop more quickly."

After lesson one, Victoria doesn't feel confident enough to have a go herself. "It's a bit frightening really," Victoria admits. "A specialist - well, his hands are confident, he has all the experience, he knows what to do. But I'm still at the learning stage." Dynamic baby gymnastics is not part of mainstream medicine in Russia.

It is not something you can arrange on the health service here. It is performed in private practices. And, although it is legal, it is highly controversial.

Last month a clip of dynamic baby gymnastics on video sharing website YouTube horrified internet users.
Along with a musical accompaniment, it showed a Russian woman energetically swinging a baby around her head and shoulders.  YouTube blocked the video after it was flagged as too shocking, but the woman in the video, midwife Elena Fokina, has criticised the move.  "People in Europe are used to raising their children in over-sanitised conditions, they're scared of everything," Elena told me by telephone from Egypt where she now lives.  "I'm really sorry the video clip has been removed - it's sad that a lot of parents will miss the chance to see that there is another way to bring up your baby."

Not everyone is so disappointed. "I think this is potentially dangerous. I would never recommend it," says American general practitioner Robert Young. Dr Young trained in paediatrics and worked in Russia for 13 years. "Russian parents are no different from any parents in the world. They want their babies to grow up the best they possibly can. And here is a technique purported to advance their children developmentally, socially, in every way. That's enticing. I'm just not sure it does any of that and I think the potential for injuries is there.
"The baby can slip, the baby can accidentally move when he's being twisted around and hit somebody's leg or furniture. That would be harmful in all cases."

Paediatrician Natalya Belova is also critical. "It's a problem of chronic stress in the country," considers Dr Belova. "When the general system is under stress, people start to practise very unusual things. There are people like that in every country. This isn't criminal but it's important to examine this procedure and understand what consequences it might have for the children."

Because the procedure has not been certified by the Russian Ministry of Health, health officials in Moscow felt unable to comment on the practice.  But Oleg Tyutin rejects  criticism. He maintains that dynamic baby gymnastics is safe, if carried out under strict supervision.  Mr Tyutin performed dynamic gymnastics on his own children. He's now doing the same exercises with his own granddaughter Varya, who is two-and-half-months old. Holding Varya upside down, and by one leg, he spins her round in a complete circle.  It looks shocking, but as long as the Russian authorities continue to allow it, Oleg will continue to offer his services.

Kids Say The Darndest Things

1) Jennifer was watching her mother breast feed her new baby brother , after a while she asked ... Mama why have you got two boobies' ? Is one for hot and one for cold milk ?

2) Melanie asked her Granny how old she was , Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember anymore . Melanie said , "if you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties . Mine say 5 or 6 .

3) Brittany had an earache and wanted a pain killer , she tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle . Seeing the frustration , her mom explained it was a child proof cap and she'd have to open it for her , eyes wide with wonder , Melanie asked : How does it know it's me .

4)Susan was drinking juice when she got the hiccups , "please don't give me this juice again " she said , "it makes my teeth cough."

5) Danni stepped on the bathroom scale and asked his dad "how much do I cost ?

6) Tammy was with her mother when they met an elderly , rather wrinkled woman her mom knew . Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked ,"why doesn't your skin fit your face ?"

7) Mark was engrossed in a young couple who was hugging and kissing in a restaurant , without taking his eyes off them , he asked his dad : Why is he whispering in her mouth ?

8) Charles was in his bedroom looking worried when his mom asked what was troubling him , he replied "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married , how will my wife fit in with me ?

10 Things

10 Things Only Women Understand

10. Why it's good to have five pairs of black shoes.
9. The difference between cream, ivory, and off-white..
8. Crying can be fun.
7. Fat clothes
6. A salad, diet drink, and a hot fudge sundae make a balanced lunch.
5. Discovering a designer dress on the clearance rack can be considered a peak life experience.
4. The inaccuracy of every bathroom scale ever made.
3. A good man might be hard to find, but a good hairdresser is next to impossible.
2. Why a phone call between two women never lasts under ten minutes.
1. Other Women!

Royal Wedding Duties Handed Out

Key assignments in the royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton are handed out, with Prince Harry getting the nod as best man. (Feb. 14)

Sky-High Brunch Bake

Prep: 20 minutes  ... Total... 1 hour 25 minutes

1 pkg. (17.3 0z.) frozen puff pastry
(2 sheets) thawed
6eggs
1 cup Ricotta Cheese
Dash hot pepper sauce
2 pkg. (10 oz  each) frozen chopped spinach, thawed , well drained
4 slices cooked bacon, chopped
1 1/2 cups Kraft Chedder Chesse
I cup chopped red bell peppers

1)  preheat oven to 400 *F . Unfold puff pastry sheets and roll  out to about an 11-inch square.
2)  line bottom and side of greased 9-inch springform  pan with 12-inch pastry sheet.
3)  beat eggs in medium bowl with wire whisk . Reserve 1 Tbsp. egg set aside  . Add ricotta cheese pepper sauce  and spinach to eggs in bowl ; mix until blended.
4)  layer half each of the bacon , cheese , spinach  mixture and red bellpeppers  in pastry-lined pan.Repeat layers.
5) place remaining pastry sheet over mixture  , fold and tuck pastry edges into pan to enclose filling . Pinch edges to seal.
6)  brush surface with reserved egg , pierce pastry several times to form  vents or slits , which will allow steam to escape during baking . Bake 45 to 55 minutes  or  until top is golden brown . Cool 10 minutes , run small knife around edge of pan before removing .
Makes 8 serving:

Sweets Ideas For 'Valentines'Day'

                                Movies and books to share .

Surprising your kids with a Valentine's Day treat is one of the sweetest perks of parenthood  and while candy and cards are nice , nothing says "be mine" like spending time together  . That's why  I love these ideas for sharing a few laughs ,a few lessons  and maybe a few tears of joy.

My favorite books for story time teach preschoolers the real meaning behind Valentine's Day  . Mary Engelbreit's adorable illustrations make "Queen of Hearts" a feast for the eyes , while the high-sprited kitty in "Love , Splat" will give kids lots of laughs .

Windmill in holland

                     Beautiful, just beautiful