Late Nite Jokes

This weekend is Easter, where Christians celebrate the return of Jesus. Unfortunately, this year Jesus can’t return because he’s Middle Eastern and been detained at the airport.


Because of the sexual allegations against him, it’s rumored that Bill O’Reilly’s show may be going off the air. For continuity’s sake, Fox will replace it with reruns of "The Cosby Show."


After being accused of sexual harassment by five women, Bill O’Reilly announced he is taking a vacation. And if there’s any justice in the world he’ll be flying United.


White House Press Secretary Sean Spicer has apologized for his Hitler comments and admitted he "screwed up." I don’t think Spicer learned his lesson though, because he then said, "Even Hitler didn’t screw up as badly as I did."


They’re having trouble organizing Easter at the White House this year. Instead of an A-list musician, there will be a military band. And instead of eggs, there’s going to be golf balls and instead of children there will be old white guys.





Before he was press secretary, Sean Spicer actually played the Easter bunny at the egg roll during the Bush administration. Which means this week, for the first time maybe in history, we got to see the Easter bunny apologize for comments about the Holocaust.

Congratulations to the first lady, Melania Trump, who just got a nice payout from a British tabloid newspaper, The Daily Mail. According to CNN, Melania received $2.9 million in damages, which she's using to build an escape tunnel back to Slovenia.


Mike "The Situation" Sorrentino from "Jersey Shore" is facing up to 15 years in prison on tax evasion charges. So basically, if you’re a reality star in this country and you don’t pay your taxes, we either put you in prison or make you President of the United States.


Donald Trump made an extraordinary claim to The New York Times about a Democratic congressman: “Elijah Cummings was in my office, and he said, ‘You will go down as one of the great presidents in the history of our country.’” Really? I get the “you will go down” part, but, after that, you kind of lost me.







Apparently Barry Manilow announced today that he is gay. Also scientific research found that the sky is blue. And sugar is sweet. Lots of interesting stuff happening today in the news.


Today, North Korea conducted a missile test, which escalated tensions in the region. But don’t worry — things settled down when Kendall Jenner stepped in and handed them a Pepsi.