My teenage son was previously overweight . Recently , he commited himself to exercise and has lost so much weight that none of his clothes fit . Like me , he hates shopping , so he has been wearing my pants and his baggy shirts --- he doesen't care they are too big . The rest of the family chides him on looking "homeless" in his large clothes and I know he needs new attire , but I can't bear to set foot in a store .
Although one of the problems with my son's new lifestyle is his appearance , an even bigger concern of mine is his advice to others . To change his life arond , he used an app to input his height , weight and daily caloric intake to find out he would have to exercise to lose a certain amount of weight . He has taken to the habit of asking people what their weight , height and daily caloric intake so he can help them lose weight . My son is not doing this to offend , and he feels as though he is genuinely helping others . My daughters do not feel the same way , and I doubt the various cashiers and salespeople do , either . How can I get my son to focus on his own appearance and stop telling others how to change theirs?
Dear Weighted Advice ,
It is common for people who have made a dramatic and positive shift in their way of living to become advocates for their lifestyle choice . Too often, that advocacy can turn into proselytizing (trying to convert you to their way of thinking ) something that few people want to hear . You can gently point out to your son that, he had to recognize for himself that he needed to make a change in his diet and exercise choices; the same is true for others . The decision has to be a personal choice , coming from within oneself and by oneself in order to be successful.
If the people he is approaching are overweight and out of shape, they may very well take offense at his remarks.
Point out to him that he has not yet been totally successful with his own program because he still has no pride or confidence in his new appearance. To advise other people, one has to be a shining example of one's own advice.
My Son received a ton of homework to complete over the Summer , but he hadn't completed most of it . I remind him to do his work ever morning , but he procrastinates and doesn't do it . I don't want to punish him everyday , but I have to get him to complete his work . What do you recommend .
Dear Facing Homework ,
Wake your son up early , before any distractions can come into the picture . Make sure all "screens" are out of view . Sit with your son to work on his homework together. Be interested in his assignments. Do your best to engage him in the work. Talk about the importance of responsibilities . Work together each day so that you can get the work done . If you do not seem interested in his work, why should he be? Positive reinforcement really does work with kids.
My parents own a good amount of land in their native country . When I was growing up , they paid for my tuition but they were not very supportive emotionally . I sponsored them to come to the U.S. , and because they didn't speak much English (and still don't) . I helped them find jobs .
The problem is , my parents are giving everything they own and whatever they made during their lifetimes to my brothers as an inheritance . They are leaving nothing to me . I've decided to encourage them to move back home and live with their sons .
Why should I be handling their bills , buying their groceries , picking up their prescriptions , taking them and acting as their interpreter ?
I paid back every penny they spent on me , including my tuition .
I am angry that I am obligated to take care of them when they are leaving everything to my brothers . Please help.
Foolish Daughter in Orlando
Dear Daughter ,
I assume your parents come from a culture that values sons more than daughters ( there are many) and that daughters are expected to care for the parents while the sons inherit property .
While this is hardly fair, you cannot expect your parents to overcome their own cultural upbringing so easily .
You need to think of this differently . Your parents do not owe you an inheritance . They raised you and helped you get into college by loaning you tuition . That is reason enough to be grateful. Any land or moneys they possess are entirely theirs, to do with as they wish.
Anything you do for them is out of love and respect, not for gain or profit . They will appreciate you for that. And your brothers should welcome the opportunity to do the same .
Dear Maxy ,
I am a cross-dresser and I like your no nonsense advice to "No Life ,Without Wife .
I married in the early 80s and did not tell my wife about my cross-dressing . Nine years later , I wanted her to be part of my complete life . I told her by leaving women clothing jn the closet and telling her they were mine . She said she needed time to think about it . Nine months later , she still wouldn't talk about it or see a therapist and said I needed professional help . That led to a divorce .
In time , I realized that if I wanted to enjoy my cross-dressing and be able to share my pleasure with someone , I have to tell that person early on .
When I told my current wife about my cross-dressing , she asked whether I was gay. I told her no . She asked a lot of other questions and I answered them as truthfully as I could . She was willing to compromise and now the two of us enjoy both of my worlds .
I would strongly advice "No Life" to tell his wife in person , privately and as soon as possible .
Turn off all the phones , and let her know you have something important to say . Stay calm , and let her absorb the news at her own pace .
He also should have the name of a therapist ready in case he or his wife wish to speak to a professional .
Glad I Did
Dear Glad ,
How well I remember "No Life Without Wife." You did exactly the right thing by being completely open with your wife. Too bad you learned that the hard way.
You must give your present wife a lot of credit for understanding and adapting to your lifestyle. I hope you honor her by doing the same for her.
I can't stress enough how important it is not to keep such important parts of your life hidden from your spouse . Aside from the surprise , it also feels like a betrayal not to have been told before the marriage . And, yes, most people do require counseling to help them adjust. Very good advice for 'No Life Without Wife'. Thank you for your testimonial .