Kids !!! Actual Quotes sent in to a British Newspaper

OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a Child handed his teacher a note from his mother. It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle.'
POLICE
While taking a routine vandalism report at a school, a cop was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, 'Are you a policeman?' 'Yes,' he answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' he told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward him, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, a woman used to take her 4-year-old daughter on the afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day she found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As she braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, a minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mum, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'


You just have to love the little darlings.