Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
Thank you for your very rapid reply, being small in stature and people, especially the girls were laughing at me . Thanks to you , now I can be proud of my height , because now you showed me I can stand tall among men . Thanks .

Too Small
Dear 'Too Small'
I was very pleased I was able to  help you. Remember to keep your head up and be proud of who you are . Size can be measured in other ways besides inches. Please  keep me informed on how  you are  doing .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I live in a rental property that my father owns . In the beginning everybody got along . We pay our rent on time and haven't had any real issues with the place. Suddenly , my husband started showing signs of resentment and disrespect toward my father . I am confused because my father has provided a roof over my family's head . I think my husband is upset because he took a handout from my dad . How can I reinforce my husband's confidence to tell him that he is still the man for me and not my dad? 

Daddy's Baby , Husband's Maybe . Biloxi , Mississippi 
Dear Daddy's Baby, Husband's Maybe,
I think you nailed the problem, and part of the solution is in your letter also. Your husband's resentment is mostly self directed. He is, probably, feeling a little unmanned by the situation. And perhaps thinks he is not being as good a provider for his family as he should be. He may even feel that your father has far too much influence or power over your lives. 
If you are paying rent, then it is not a handout, it is a business transaction....even with a family discount. Would your father consider selling you the property and carrying the mortgage ? If so, then your husband has a goal to work towards...a home that will belong completely to him and his family. Your dad would not have so much say in your business if you were buying the house. And this will go a long way to restoring your spouse's confidence in himself. 
There is another problem: it takes two sides to create friction and it may be that your father is contributing to the contention between the two men. Talk to your dad about it, explain, and then see if you can bring the men together to clear up the problem .
If your husband cannot articulate his concerns or does not want to co-operate, you may want to begin looking for another place to live that's on neutral ground . Foremost, it is vital to support your husband and keep your marriage healthy. Remind your husband how much you love and respect him and that nothing changes that . Ask him what you can do to show your support of him . 
It's also important for you and your husband to cultivate a positive relationship with your family for the long term. That might only be possible if you put a little distance between you and your dad.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My co-worker is constantly leaving or misplacing her keys at home or work .. Moreover , it seems like these incidents are happening on a more frequent basis and feel like to know if I could help her in anyway . Do you think it is my place to ask her would like to talk ? 
Concerned Co-Worker , B.R. Louisiana 
Dear Concerned Co-Worker, 
I am assuming you know the lady quite well and she considers you a friend. If so, during a private moment, point out that you have noticed she's experiencing some forgetful moments of late; ask if she is okay . Sometimes when people's behavior is reflected back to them, they become more aware of it. 
Beyond a gentle inquiry, there is little else you can do, except suggest a couple of things....for example : put a hook on the front door frame or right on the door to hang her keys, as soon as she walks in the house. They will be in plain view when she leaves the house the next time. A similar thing could be done at work . Another alternative is to buy a long lanyard and attach it inside her purse/handbag and leave the keys on it at all times.
Unfortunately memory loss is part and parcel of growing older. Some people start getting short term memory loss earlier than others. In some cases it could be early signs of dementia or Alzheimer's disease. Your co-worker is not, presently, showing symptoms of either; just a little absent mindedness. If you are still concerned, and if the situation gets progressively worse, in your opinion, you may need to speak to her again, before it becomes apparent to her employer. There are techniques available to keep the mind alert.
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
For four years I have been trying to leave an abusive marriage . I have been working with various agencies that are budget strapped and overwhelmed with clients . I finally found a friend who offered to let me stay with her ., but she lives four hours away , and I cannot afford a rental car Then my husband tells his boss that he needs time off because I have a disability . That part is true , but I know now that he is using it as an excuse to be home and control the situation . Our local abuse shelter is crowded right now . In a perfect world , I would grab what I could and leave . I tried once and he caught up with me . Any suggestions ? 
Sad , in Florida 
Dear Sad in Florida ,
Your husband is indeed a controller. You are in an untenable and potentially dangerous situation. You need a better plan . First, do not tell your husband you are leaving or let him know who you are contacting about it. He will use whatever means necessary to stop you . Would your friend pick you up ? Is there a bus or train you can afford ? Does your disability require a wheelchair? If so, your options are more limited and someone will have to come to you. 
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org ) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and ask them to help you find a safe way out .
Explain your situation thoroughly ; time is of the essence. 
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
A year ago, I fell ill with diabetes . Due to financial problems, I have had lots of complications in treating it . I also have a troubled past , but I turned it around a few years ago and I'm proud of myself .
I was so ill that I had to quit my job . Now I have problems affording the medication and it depresses me . My parents seem to believe that I am simply back to my old habits and say I should be working . But I have documentation saying I cannot work due to diabetes complications. 
I have asked both of my parents to go with me to see the doctor , but they refuse. I am so lost . Please help .
Confused , North Texas 
Dear Confused,
You may be eligible for reduced -cost medical care, including medications which would help you get back on your feet . 
Right now, your health is the most important thing and you'll feel better if you can be proactive about your care . Please contact the American Diabetes Association (diabetes.org) at 1-800-DIABETES (34223837) .
You can try Partnership for Prescription Assistance ( pparx.org ) for low cost medications . And you may be eligible for low cost hospitalization and care through the Health Resources and Services Administration 
(hrsa.gov/gethealth care/ affordable/hillburton ) 
Your parents may come around in time. But don't place too much significance on their opinions. They don't appear to be that concerned. Concentrate on getting help and feeling better, then you can handle family situations a lot better.
Maxy