Eating nuts and seeds as part of a healthy diet can be good for your heart. Nuts contain unsaturated fatty acids and other nutrients which are good for you. Although there are some differences in nutrients, all nuts have a lot of nutrition packed into a small package. Nuts are packed with protein. Nuts have some combination of unsaturated fats, omega-3 fatty acids, fiber, and vitamin E. Nuts are typically inexpensive, easy to store, and a great on the go snack. Here are a few tips to help you add more nuts and seeds to your diet:
1 . Nuts are a great health food, but they do have calories and fat. You want to make sure that you keep your portions in check. Roughly one-third cup is a serving of nuts.
2 . Sprinkle nuts on top of cereal or yogurt. Almonds, pistachios, and walnuts make great choices as toppers. Add nuts and seeds to pancakes, muffins or waffles. Add an interesting twist to pasta dishes or vegetables by adding pine nuts.
3 . To get the best flavor, toast nuts. Bake them for 5- 10 minutes at 350 degrees.
Words of Wisdom :
“Nothing truly valuable arises from ambition or from a mere sense of duty; it stems rather from love and devotion towards men and towards objective things.”
“From long familiarity, we know what honor is. It is what enables the individual to do right in the face of complacency and cowardice. It is what enables the soldier to die alone, the political prisoner to resist, the singer to sing her song, hardly appreciated, on a side street.”
“Destiny is not a matter of chance, it is a matter of choice. It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved.”
“When you are inspired by some great purpose, some extraordinary project, all your thoughts break their bonds: Your mind transcends limitations, your consciousness expands in every direction, and you find yourself in a new, great, and wonderful world. Dormant forces, faculties and talents become alive, and you discover yourself to be a greater person by far than you ever dreamed yourself to be.”
“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.”
A proud grand-poppa G.
PS: Thanks for the 'Butterfly' now it is truly spring .
My Blog List
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Go! Go! Greta - Teenage climate change activist Greta Thunberg on Monday opened the United Nations Climate Action Summit with an angry condemnation of world leaders...5 years ago
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Maxy sez : Why Does Type 2 Diabetes Cause Your Feet to Go Numb? - * High blood sugar that's uncontrolled can lead to serious complications, like pain, numbness, and injury in the feet and legs.* *By Jennifer Laskey **...5 years ago
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Happy Easter to your family from mine --- Nee - *Easter Holiday* *Easter holiday, is a celebration of the resurrection of Christ!* *Jesus Christ, The Son of God, bled and died for us in a sacrifice.* *T...8 years ago
Saturday, March 28, 2015
Thursday, March 26, 2015
Ask Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
Thank you for your very rapid reply, being small in stature and people, especially the girls were laughing at me . Thanks to you , now I can be proud of my height , because now you showed me I can stand tall among men . Thanks .
Too SmallThank you for your very rapid reply, being small in stature and people, especially the girls were laughing at me . Thanks to you , now I can be proud of my height , because now you showed me I can stand tall among men . Thanks .
Dear 'Too Small'
I was very pleased I was able to help you. Remember to keep your head up and be proud of who you are . Size can be measured in other ways besides inches. Please keep me informed on how you are doing .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I live in a rental property that my father owns . In the beginning everybody got along . We pay our rent on time and haven't had any real issues with the place. Suddenly , my husband started showing signs of resentment and disrespect toward my father . I am confused because my father has provided a roof over my family's head . I think my husband is upset because he took a handout from my dad . How can I reinforce my husband's confidence to tell him that he is still the man for me and not my dad?
My husband and I live in a rental property that my father owns . In the beginning everybody got along . We pay our rent on time and haven't had any real issues with the place. Suddenly , my husband started showing signs of resentment and disrespect toward my father . I am confused because my father has provided a roof over my family's head . I think my husband is upset because he took a handout from my dad . How can I reinforce my husband's confidence to tell him that he is still the man for me and not my dad?
Dear Daddy's Baby, Husband's Maybe,
I think you nailed the problem, and part of the solution is in your letter also. Your husband's resentment is mostly self directed. He is, probably, feeling a little unmanned by the situation. And perhaps thinks he is not being as good a provider for his family as he should be. He may even feel that your father has far too much influence or power over your lives.
If you are paying rent, then it is not a handout, it is a business transaction....even with a family discount. Would your father consider selling you the property and carrying the mortgage ? If so, then your husband has a goal to work towards...a home that will belong completely to him and his family. Your dad would not have so much say in your business if you were buying the house. And this will go a long way to restoring your spouse's confidence in himself.
There is another problem: it takes two sides to create friction and it may be that your father is contributing to the contention between the two men. Talk to your dad about it, explain, and then see if you can bring the men together to clear up the problem .
If your husband cannot articulate his concerns or does not want to co-operate, you may want to begin looking for another place to live that's on neutral ground . Foremost, it is vital to support your husband and keep your marriage healthy. Remind your husband how much you love and respect him and that nothing changes that . Ask him what you can do to show your support of him .
It's also important for you and your husband to cultivate a positive relationship with your family for the long term. That might only be possible if you put a little distance between you and your dad.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
My co-worker is constantly leaving or misplacing her keys at home or work .. Moreover , it seems like these incidents are happening on a more frequent basis and feel like to know if I could help her in anyway . Do you think it is my place to ask her would like to talk ?
Concerned Co-Worker , B.R. Louisiana
Dear Concerned Co-Worker,
I am assuming you know the lady quite well and she considers you a friend. If so, during a private moment, point out that you have noticed she's experiencing some forgetful moments of late; ask if she is okay . Sometimes when people's behavior is reflected back to them, they become more aware of it.
Beyond a gentle inquiry, there is little else you can do, except suggest a couple of things....for example : put a hook on the front door frame or right on the door to hang her keys, as soon as she walks in the house. They will be in plain view when she leaves the house the next time. A similar thing could be done at work . Another alternative is to buy a long lanyard and attach it inside her purse/handbag and leave the keys on it at all times.
Unfortunately memory loss is part and parcel of growing older. Some people start getting short term memory loss earlier than others. In some cases it could be early signs of dementia or Alzheimer's disease. Your co-worker is not, presently, showing symptoms of either; just a little absent mindedness. If you are still concerned, and if the situation gets progressively worse, in your opinion, you may need to speak to her again, before it becomes apparent to her employer. There are techniques available to keep the mind alert.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
For four years I have been trying to leave an abusive marriage . I have been working with various agencies that are budget strapped and overwhelmed with clients . I finally found a friend who offered to let me stay with her ., but she lives four hours away , and I cannot afford a rental car Then my husband tells his boss that he needs time off because I have a disability . That part is true , but I know now that he is using it as an excuse to be home and control the situation . Our local abuse shelter is crowded right now . In a perfect world , I would grab what I could and leave . I tried once and he caught up with me . Any suggestions ?
Sad , in Florida
Dear Sad in Florida ,
Your husband is indeed a controller. You are in an untenable and potentially dangerous situation. You need a better plan . First, do not tell your husband you are leaving or let him know who you are contacting about it. He will use whatever means necessary to stop you . Would your friend pick you up ? Is there a bus or train you can afford ? Does your disability require a wheelchair? If so, your options are more limited and someone will have to come to you.
Please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline (thehotline.org ) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) and ask them to help you find a safe way out .
Explain your situation thoroughly ; time is of the essence.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
A year ago, I fell ill with diabetes . Due to financial problems, I have had lots of complications in treating it . I also have a troubled past , but I turned it around a few years ago and I'm proud of myself .
I was so ill that I had to quit my job . Now I have problems affording the medication and it depresses me . My parents seem to believe that I am simply back to my old habits and say I should be working . But I have documentation saying I cannot work due to diabetes complications.
I have asked both of my parents to go with me to see the doctor , but they refuse. I am so lost . Please help .
Confused , North Texas
Dear Confused,
You may be eligible for reduced -cost medical care, including medications which would help you get back on your feet .
Right now, your health is the most important thing and you'll feel better if you can be proactive about your care . Please contact the American Diabetes Association (diabetes.org) at 1-800-DIABETES (34223837) .
You can try Partnership for Prescription Assistance ( pparx.org ) for low cost medications . And you may be eligible for low cost hospitalization and care through the Health Resources and Services Administration
(hrsa.gov/gethealth care/ affordable/hillburton )
Your parents may come around in time. But don't place too much significance on their opinions. They don't appear to be that concerned. Concentrate on getting help and feeling better, then you can handle family situations a lot better.
Maxy
Wednesday, March 25, 2015
Observation Test
Observation Test
Question: What do you see in the photo that disgusts you?
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Answer: There’s a MOUSE on one of the doughnuts!
Did you spot it ?
100% of males failed this test because they were distracted by the bosom.
100% of the females also failed this test because they were distracted by the delicious selection of doughnuts.
Question: What do you see in the photo that disgusts you?
scroll down|
|
|
|
|
v
Answer: There’s a MOUSE on one of the doughnuts!
Did you spot it ?
100% of males failed this test because they were distracted by the bosom.
100% of the females also failed this test because they were distracted by the delicious selection of doughnuts.
Monday, March 23, 2015
8 Things You Didn't know Mayo Could do
No time for a full manicure? Soak your fingertips in a bowl of mayo for 5 to 10 minutes, then rinse with warm water to hydrate and smooth the nail and cuticle.
2. Remove paint splatters
Get rid of accidental drips on tile, light switches or doorknobs by adding a touch of mayo to the spots before they harden completely. The oil in mayo helps break down the oils in paint (since oil attracts oil), making it easier to wipe away and less harsh on surfaces than paint thinner.
3. Erase water stains
Don't let wet marks and rings ruin wood furniture. Put two spoonfuls of mayo on the spot, cover with a paper towel and press down. Leave for a few hours, then buff with a clean cloth and the mark will fade away. Watch the demo above featuring WD's senior editor, Taryn Mohrman, from
4. Dust houseplants
Take a tip from professional florists: Clean your potted plants with some mild soap and water, then use a paper towel to rub a drop of mayo into the tops of leaves. They'll look healthy and vibrant for weeks!5. Rescue dinner
When you're fresh out of eggs but breaded cutlets are on the menu, spread a thin layer of mayo on the meat (it won't affect the flavor), then add bread crumbs and fry.
6. Revive dull strands
Combine a cup of full-fat mayonnaise with a teaspoon of vanilla (to cut the scent). Massage this mixutre onto dry, unwashed hair and let sit for 20 minutes, then shampoo hair like normal and rinse with cool water. The combination of oil and protein-rich egg yolks in mayo helps restore strength and shine to hair.
7. Silence a squeaky hinge
If loose screws aren't the culprit for that annoying noise, rub the metal parts with a clean rag and some mayo, then wipe away any excess.
8. Unstick stickers
To take an adhesive-backed label or price tags off of any hard, non-porous surface, dab on some mayo and let sit for five minutes. The glue will soften making it easier to peel or rub off with a paper towel.
Cute Easter Idea
End things on a sweet note by sending guests home with a reusable jar filled with chocolate eggs. Attach small plastic toy animals, like roosters or rabbits, to lids with a dab of hot glue and then spray-paint with a fun colour. Place a nest of straw in the bottom of each jar and top with candy. I would use a better quality of candy than those in the illustration. Perhaps foil wrapped chocolate eggs.
Decadent Banana-Caramel Cream Pie....With Oreo Crust
So delicious...If you have a sweet tooth or a pie passion, this is for you.
Ingredients
1 1/2 cups Oreo cookie crumbs
1/2 cup unsalted butter, melted
Caramel bananas
1 tbsp. unsalted butter
2 tsp packed brown sugar
2 tbsp. 35% cream
1/8 tsp salt
3 ripe medium bananas, sliced
Pudding
1 1/2 cups 3.25% milk
3 tbsp. granulated sugar
3 tbsp. cornstarch
3 egg yolks
1 1/2 tsp vanilla
Topping
1/8 tsp salt
1 cup 35% cream
2 tsp granulated sugar
44-g bar chocolate covered sponge toffee, such as Crunchie, broken into small pieces
Instructions
*STIR cookie crumbs with 1/2 cup melted butter in a medium bowl until combined. Press mixture evenly into the bottom and up the sides of a 9-in. pie plate.
*MELT 1 tbsp butter in a medium frying pan over medium-high. Add brown sugar, 2 tbsp 35% cream and 1/8 tsp salt. Boil gently, whisking often, 1 min. Remove from heat and let stand 1 min. Stir in bananas, then arrange over crust in an even layer.
*HEAT milk in a medium saucepan over medium-high, just until bubbles form on the surface, about 5 min. Whisk 3 tbsp sugar with cornstarch and yolks in a medium bowl until combined. Whisk in half of hot milk until smooth. Return mixture to saucepan and set over medium. Whisk often until pudding thickens, about 2 min. Remove from heat and stir in vanilla and 1/8 tsp salt. Scrape over banana layer, smoothing top. Refrigerate until pudding is set, 1 hour.
*BEAT 1 cup 35% cream in a medium bowl until soft peaks form when beaters are lifted, 2 to 3 min. *BEAT in 2 tsp sugar until stiff peaks form when beaters are lifted, about 2 more min. Spoon whipped cream over centre of pie. Sprinkle with sponge toffee.
This pie is to die for...Make two. One for the family and one for you....Enjoy
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Food for thought: Manage your blood pressure
High blood pressure, or hypertension, affects millions of people in this country. High blood pressure is a risk factor for other health complications. High blood pressure can cause damage to your arteries and veins due to the increased pressure on the walls of the inner linings. This can put you at an increased risk for heart attack, stroke or aneurysm. While certain risk factors are out of your control, such as family history, ethnicity, and age, there are many lifestyle and diet changes you can make to help keep your blood pressure within a normal-healthy range. Here are a few tips to help you keep your blood pressure in check:
1 . High blood pressure can damage the body for years before symptoms develop, so it is important to keep an eye on your numbers. Take advantage of free health screenings, blood pressure checking machines at grocery stores and pharmacies, and keep these to show your doctor.
2 . Reduce your intake of processed and fast foods. These are typically high in fat and sodium which can increase your blood pressure. Use less salt in cooking. Rinse canned vegetables to reduce the sodium content.
3 . Increase your intake of potassium-rich fruits and vegetables such as broccoli, sweet potatoes and tomatoes.
Keep an eye on other important health numbers such as your weight, Body Mass Index, blood sugar, and cholesterol. All of these numbers together help give your physician a better overall picture of your health. Make sure these are checked on a regular basis.
Words of Wisdom :
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
A proud Grand-poppa G.
1 . High blood pressure can damage the body for years before symptoms develop, so it is important to keep an eye on your numbers. Take advantage of free health screenings, blood pressure checking machines at grocery stores and pharmacies, and keep these to show your doctor.
2 . Reduce your intake of processed and fast foods. These are typically high in fat and sodium which can increase your blood pressure. Use less salt in cooking. Rinse canned vegetables to reduce the sodium content.
3 . Increase your intake of potassium-rich fruits and vegetables such as broccoli, sweet potatoes and tomatoes.
Keep an eye on other important health numbers such as your weight, Body Mass Index, blood sugar, and cholesterol. All of these numbers together help give your physician a better overall picture of your health. Make sure these are checked on a regular basis.
Words of Wisdom :
Dreams are renewable. No matter what our age or condition, there are still untapped possibilities within us and new beauty waiting to be born.
By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
Change does not roll in on the wheels of inevitability, but comes through continuous struggle. And so we must straighten our backs and work for our freedom. A man can't ride you unless your back is bent.
The truth is you don't know what is going to happen tomorrow. Life is a crazy ride, and nothing is guaranteed.
A proud Grand-poppa G.
Friday, March 20, 2015
Daffodil
Woodlands sigh and breezes sing, a benevolent sun welcomes spring.
Though countless buds sprout in the meadows, winter lingers among the shadows.
Golden head still bowed from slumber, she spreads her mantel in the sun,
And feels the heartbeat of the earth, as winter's grasp becomes undone.
Once more, as she pays homage to the splendor of rebirth,
The daffodil awakens, for spring has truly come
-- The Genie, from the heart
Thursday, March 19, 2015
Ask Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I have been married to "Ralph" for 30 years . Recently , I discovered that he has been speaking with an ex-girlfriend on his cellphone . These conversations have been going on for 10 years . They both say they are only friends , but I don't believe it .
This woman is married and lives out of state . Can two married people secretly talk to each other for 10 years behind their spouses' backs and it just be innocent conversation ? By the way this isn't an ordinary ex-girlfriend . Ralph planned to marry her after high school, but she chose college and he had to let her go .
When I confronted Ralph, he said, "this has nothing to do with you. My feelings for you have never changed and I never treated you any differently." But I feel as if I have been cheated out of ten years of my marriage because the ex-girlfriend was taking part of him away from me and I didn't know .
Ralph is a phenomenal father and has been a great husband . He wants me to let this go so we can move on . But how can I trust him again ?
Feeling Betrayed
Dear Feeling Betrayed,
Sharing conversation is not the problem . The fact that you were unaware of it for 10 years and this woman was romantically important to your husband is what's bothering you. Has Ralph been sharing inimate thoughts with her ? Has he confided about his marriage to her ? Has he expressed an interest in getting together with her ? And does he intend to continue the relationship with her, regardless of how you feel about it ? You need to know.
Ralph may feel that if there is no physical affair, he did nothing wrong . But he kept an on-going friendship with someone of the opposite sex a secret from you and that is destructive to a relationship. Anything that betrays your trust damages your marriage. Trust is the hardest thing to re-build.
Please ask Ralph to come with you for a few sessions with a marriage counselor, who could help him understand why this matters and help both of you fix it . This is how you "let it go" so you can move on .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
The problem is my family . My husband doesn't think it is important that our two kids, 20 and 21, have jobs . I have tried repeatedly to help them find employment because they won't bother to try on their own . But they'll stay at a job for a month or two and then they leave . My husband doesn't think there is a problem . When I bring it up, my son yells at me and my husband doesn't care . He says at least our son attends night classes twice a week . Our daughter's self esteem is very low and I am worried about her .
I am sick of the arguments about the kids not doing more around the house and not finding work . I have moved out of the house and in with a friend . Was I wrong to do this ? How do I make my husband see that the kids should have jobs .
Expect Better
Dear Expect Better,
This is a relatively new, but widespread problem: adult children who won’t leave home and remain dependent on their parents like permanent adolescents.
If you are no longer in the house, the situation will never improve. It is not easy to help an adult child transition to adulthood. To jump-start their independence will take a concerted effort with your husband.
The problem lies with the generation of parents who shielded children from problems and made sacrifices to give them better lives. Consequently, many young people graduate from high school expecting life to be easy and free of hardships. They are not prepared to handle adversity and setbacks, nor ready to push themselves to get ahead.
Parents have also been more permissive with your kids' generation than any other. Experts encouraged them not to "boss" their children and preached that good parents just couldn’t do enough for them. Some of these young people now have an exaggerated sense of self-worth and entitlement and don't respect authority. Theories on child rearing change with every generation and we have to deal with the results.
Kids of this era were not expected to help much around the home, deliver newspapers, mow lawns or help in the community and consequently, a lot of children never developed a work ethic.
So, first of all , stop playing the parent versus child game and speak to them like adults. You and your husband must back each other up if you want this to work. Explain to the kids that you can no longer take care of them because you have to think about your own future and retirement.
Present a plan to them ... For example :
1. "I will provide you with room and board for the next year to give you a chance to find yourself and a career.
2. "In three months, I will stop giving you money so you will need to find a way to take care of your expenses for clothes and entertainment."
3. "I will pay your tuition for courses you pass. Failed courses that need to be repeated will be at your expense. I will also buy your textbooks."
4. "I will pay for six months of counseling if over the next few months you decide you need help in getting a career and living on your own."
5. "Six months from today, I will stop paying for your car insurance, car payments and gas. You can either take those expenses over yourself in your name or I will sell the car. Lots of people can’t afford a car and rely on public transportation, a bike or rides with friends."
6. "As of today, your laundry will be your responsibility."
7. "If you let me know in advance when you will be home for dinner, you can join me for dinner but all other meals will be your responsibility."
You can customize this list in any way to suit your own situation. You and your husband need to speak to a counselor together for further advice and to get hubby on board with the plan. Even if your husband won't go, counseling could help you work out better ways of negotiating, so that you have other choices besides frustration and walking out .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
My boyfriend just came back from Iraq . Last night, we got into and argument and before I knew it, I found myself on the ground with a bruise on my neck and a sprained ankle . I never thought my boyfriend would hurt me . Meanwhile, my roommates freaked out and called an ambulance and after a long plea, I persuaded them not to call the cops . I know domestic violence is serious, but I never expected to be a victim of this foolery . I love my boyfriend . There's a first time for everything and I know our hearts are in sync . I think his behavior has something to do with his deployment for six months . Where should we go to get help ?
Sara
Dear Sara,
You are right to be concerned, and are being very understanding
by not just walking away from the situation.
Many veterans experience 'post-tramatic stress disorder' after being on the battlefield . PTSD is a difficult and often dangerous mental condition for patients and those around them, especially their spouses. PTSD happens when someone comes back from a truly horrible, violent or near-death experience. Something in the brain snaps; gets rewired and the person with PTSD has no choice but to keep reliving those traumatizing moments physically, mentally and emotionally. They can also have flashbacks, awake or sleeping.
When undiagnosed or untreated, this condition worsens and the violent outbursts increase in severity. You become a victim, trying to cope with your partmer's bouts of depression, aggression and dramatic mood swings. You cannot fix this.
The good news is that help exists for veterans who need to process what happened in their lives and need to learn how to manage the variety of physical, emotional and spiritual challenges that they may face in the wake of their experiences .
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to get help so that he can get better . Urge him to get support . To find help , visit the VA website at (ptsd.ve.gov )
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I recently relocated to Orlando area as a single 32-year-old man with no kids or previous marriages . However, I eventually want to settle down . Lately, I've been entertaining this "young Thang"--- 24 years old, to be exact --- and I have to admit she has me sprung . She's spunky and energetic, with a fresh perspective on life . She's family-oriented and believes in God, but she parties too much for my liking . Every time I ask her to spend time with me, she mentions going out to a bar or club when all I want to do is enjoy a flick at home with just her and me . Am I asking too much ? Should I continue this relationship knowing that she's not ready to settle down .
Orlando
Dear Orlando ,
Everyone (man or woman) is entitled to enjoy the wonderous years of their youth and have fun ... before deciding to enter a committed relationship. You have had eight more years of life, experience and sowing your wild oats than she has, so do not expect her to be at the same place in her life as you.
What do you want ? You say that "eventually" you want to settle down, but it sounds as if you are ready to settle down now. You are asking too much. She needs to be who she is right now and she will decide for herself when she is ready to settle down. The things you like about her... her spunk, energy and fresh perspective on life are due to the fact that she is young, carefree and enjoying every minute of her life.
I think a talk with the young lady is in order, to see if she feels the same about you, as you do about her, or if she has intentions of committing to a relationship with you at some point. If so, you must come to a compromise...go out on certain, set nights of the week and stay in on others. If she doesn't wish to settle down right now, and you have no desire to wait until she is ready, then you should end the relationship and move on because it will not end well.
Maxy
I have been married to "Ralph" for 30 years . Recently , I discovered that he has been speaking with an ex-girlfriend on his cellphone . These conversations have been going on for 10 years . They both say they are only friends , but I don't believe it .
This woman is married and lives out of state . Can two married people secretly talk to each other for 10 years behind their spouses' backs and it just be innocent conversation ? By the way this isn't an ordinary ex-girlfriend . Ralph planned to marry her after high school, but she chose college and he had to let her go .
When I confronted Ralph, he said, "this has nothing to do with you. My feelings for you have never changed and I never treated you any differently." But I feel as if I have been cheated out of ten years of my marriage because the ex-girlfriend was taking part of him away from me and I didn't know .
Ralph is a phenomenal father and has been a great husband . He wants me to let this go so we can move on . But how can I trust him again ?
Feeling Betrayed
Dear Feeling Betrayed,
Sharing conversation is not the problem . The fact that you were unaware of it for 10 years and this woman was romantically important to your husband is what's bothering you. Has Ralph been sharing inimate thoughts with her ? Has he confided about his marriage to her ? Has he expressed an interest in getting together with her ? And does he intend to continue the relationship with her, regardless of how you feel about it ? You need to know.
Ralph may feel that if there is no physical affair, he did nothing wrong . But he kept an on-going friendship with someone of the opposite sex a secret from you and that is destructive to a relationship. Anything that betrays your trust damages your marriage. Trust is the hardest thing to re-build.
Please ask Ralph to come with you for a few sessions with a marriage counselor, who could help him understand why this matters and help both of you fix it . This is how you "let it go" so you can move on .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I have been married for 22 years . I started working when I was 14 and didn't stop until I started having medical issues two years ago .
I am sick of the arguments about the kids not doing more around the house and not finding work . I have moved out of the house and in with a friend . Was I wrong to do this ? How do I make my husband see that the kids should have jobs .
Expect Better
Dear Expect Better,
This is a relatively new, but widespread problem: adult children who won’t leave home and remain dependent on their parents like permanent adolescents.
If you are no longer in the house, the situation will never improve. It is not easy to help an adult child transition to adulthood. To jump-start their independence will take a concerted effort with your husband.
The problem lies with the generation of parents who shielded children from problems and made sacrifices to give them better lives. Consequently, many young people graduate from high school expecting life to be easy and free of hardships. They are not prepared to handle adversity and setbacks, nor ready to push themselves to get ahead.
Parents have also been more permissive with your kids' generation than any other. Experts encouraged them not to "boss" their children and preached that good parents just couldn’t do enough for them. Some of these young people now have an exaggerated sense of self-worth and entitlement and don't respect authority. Theories on child rearing change with every generation and we have to deal with the results.
Kids of this era were not expected to help much around the home, deliver newspapers, mow lawns or help in the community and consequently, a lot of children never developed a work ethic.
So, first of all , stop playing the parent versus child game and speak to them like adults. You and your husband must back each other up if you want this to work. Explain to the kids that you can no longer take care of them because you have to think about your own future and retirement.
Present a plan to them ... For example :
1. "I will provide you with room and board for the next year to give you a chance to find yourself and a career.
2. "In three months, I will stop giving you money so you will need to find a way to take care of your expenses for clothes and entertainment."
3. "I will pay your tuition for courses you pass. Failed courses that need to be repeated will be at your expense. I will also buy your textbooks."
4. "I will pay for six months of counseling if over the next few months you decide you need help in getting a career and living on your own."
5. "Six months from today, I will stop paying for your car insurance, car payments and gas. You can either take those expenses over yourself in your name or I will sell the car. Lots of people can’t afford a car and rely on public transportation, a bike or rides with friends."
6. "As of today, your laundry will be your responsibility."
7. "If you let me know in advance when you will be home for dinner, you can join me for dinner but all other meals will be your responsibility."
You can customize this list in any way to suit your own situation. You and your husband need to speak to a counselor together for further advice and to get hubby on board with the plan. Even if your husband won't go, counseling could help you work out better ways of negotiating, so that you have other choices besides frustration and walking out .
Maxy
My boyfriend just came back from Iraq . Last night, we got into and argument and before I knew it, I found myself on the ground with a bruise on my neck and a sprained ankle . I never thought my boyfriend would hurt me . Meanwhile, my roommates freaked out and called an ambulance and after a long plea, I persuaded them not to call the cops . I know domestic violence is serious, but I never expected to be a victim of this foolery . I love my boyfriend . There's a first time for everything and I know our hearts are in sync . I think his behavior has something to do with his deployment for six months . Where should we go to get help ?
Sara
Dear Sara,
You are right to be concerned, and are being very understanding
by not just walking away from the situation.
Many veterans experience 'post-tramatic stress disorder' after being on the battlefield . PTSD is a difficult and often dangerous mental condition for patients and those around them, especially their spouses. PTSD happens when someone comes back from a truly horrible, violent or near-death experience. Something in the brain snaps; gets rewired and the person with PTSD has no choice but to keep reliving those traumatizing moments physically, mentally and emotionally. They can also have flashbacks, awake or sleeping.
When undiagnosed or untreated, this condition worsens and the violent outbursts increase in severity. You become a victim, trying to cope with your partmer's bouts of depression, aggression and dramatic mood swings. You cannot fix this.
The good news is that help exists for veterans who need to process what happened in their lives and need to learn how to manage the variety of physical, emotional and spiritual challenges that they may face in the wake of their experiences .
Talk to your boyfriend and ask him to get help so that he can get better . Urge him to get support . To find help , visit the VA website at (ptsd.ve.gov )
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I recently relocated to Orlando area as a single 32-year-old man with no kids or previous marriages . However, I eventually want to settle down . Lately, I've been entertaining this "young Thang"--- 24 years old, to be exact --- and I have to admit she has me sprung . She's spunky and energetic, with a fresh perspective on life . She's family-oriented and believes in God, but she parties too much for my liking . Every time I ask her to spend time with me, she mentions going out to a bar or club when all I want to do is enjoy a flick at home with just her and me . Am I asking too much ? Should I continue this relationship knowing that she's not ready to settle down .
Orlando
Dear Orlando ,
Everyone (man or woman) is entitled to enjoy the wonderous years of their youth and have fun ... before deciding to enter a committed relationship. You have had eight more years of life, experience and sowing your wild oats than she has, so do not expect her to be at the same place in her life as you.
What do you want ? You say that "eventually" you want to settle down, but it sounds as if you are ready to settle down now. You are asking too much. She needs to be who she is right now and she will decide for herself when she is ready to settle down. The things you like about her... her spunk, energy and fresh perspective on life are due to the fact that she is young, carefree and enjoying every minute of her life.
I think a talk with the young lady is in order, to see if she feels the same about you, as you do about her, or if she has intentions of committing to a relationship with you at some point. If so, you must come to a compromise...go out on certain, set nights of the week and stay in on others. If she doesn't wish to settle down right now, and you have no desire to wait until she is ready, then you should end the relationship and move on because it will not end well.
Maxy
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
BEWARE !!
After much brilliant analysis, I have broken one of the female codes which has baffled men for centuries.
For the Good Times
Does anyone care about lyrics anymore?? Huh??
These are real lyrics.
Tuesday, March 17, 2015
The Roving Reporter : What Really Motives Obama Haters ....By Jerry Harkness
When Bush took office America had a $235 billion budget surplus. Instead of continuing President Clinton’s successful policies Bush rolled out the Republican Party’s poisonous “trickle down” scheme and as usual the result was disaster. Bush squandered the Clinton surplus, gave big tax cuts to the wealthy, waged the Iraq war on the credit card and refused to provide government oversight in the mortgage-backed securities market which precipitated an economic crisis.
Bush’s legacy is the worst recession since the Great Depression. The auto industry floundered and the housing industry virtually collapsed. According to Market Watch the S&P 500 dropped 40 percent, the Dow Jones dropped 25 percent and the NASDAQ dropped 48 percent. According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics the country had a net increase of only 1.3 million private sector jobs during Bush’s entire eight years and the unemployment rate rose to 7.8 percent. Moreover the Bush administration sent almost 5,000 young Americans to die in Iraq in an unfunded war based on deception about weapons of mass destruction. And all the while Osama bin Laden, the real perpetrator of 9/11, walked free. Instead of leaving a budget surplus for Obama, Bush left a $1.2 trillion deficit.
Contrast that with Obama’s record. According to the Congressional Budget Office the Bush rate of deficit spending has been cut in half from 10 percent of GDP under Bush to about 4 percent of GDP under Obama. Over 10 million private sector jobs have been created during 59 straight months of job growth and the unemployment rate has fallen to 5.7 percent.
According to Market Watch major stock indexes have averaged gains of more than 142 percent during Obama’s presidency. Under Obama the Bush recession has ended and the auto industry is strong and employing millions of workers directly and in supplier companies. The housing industry is recovering and corporate profits and stocks are at record highs. Gas prices are now about half as high as they were under Bush. Obama ended Bush’s unfunded $7 trillion war in Iraq and eliminated 9/11 mastermind Osama bin Laden. More terrorists have been killed or captured under Obama than in Bush’s entire eight years.
So if it is bad policy and not race that has the Obama haters’ socks in a knot why don’t they hate the white president with the bad record instead of the black president with the good record? Obama is not perfect. No president is perfect and there’s nothing wrong with honest opposition. But the disgraceful Obama haters on the radical right who lie about his record and question his religion, his citizenship and his love of country are not honest opponents. They are petty bigots and they don’t have the courage to stand up and admit it.
Jerry Harkness lives in Shreveport.
Thanx Jerry
The Roving Reporter
Prince Harry Looking for Job....Any Suggestions ?
Prince Harry will join the nation's army of job hunters after he quits the Armed Forces in June, Kensington Palace confirmed tonight.
The fourth in line to the throne will spend the summer working alongside conservation groups in Africa, after which he will undertake voluntary work with injured servicemen while 'actively considering other longer term employment opportunities'.
In a statement Harry, 30, who has served in the military for ten years and seen two tours of duty in Afghanistan, admitted that it had been a 'tough decision' to leave the job he loved.
But sources close to the prince said he had reached a 'natural crossroads' in his career and, after much soul-searching, had decided he had no desire to 'progress through the ranks'.
A Kensington Palace spokesman said: 'Prince Harry is to leave the Armed Forces in June after ten years of full-time military service.
'The Prince has had a fulfilling military career and considers it a huge honour to have served his country in the Armed Forces, during which time he has undertaken two operational tours of duty in Afghanistan, qualified as an Apache Aircraft Commander and spearheaded the Invictus Games.'
Some senior royal commentators have already questioned the wisdom of Harry leaving the forces – which have given the once wayward prince so much direction in his life – at the age of just 30.
I think it will be good for Harry. Imbue him with some healthy old work ethic. He will relate to the common, working folks better for it. This is a new age for royals. I can think of a few things I would like for him to do around my house. Royal critics should shut up
Sunday, March 15, 2015
Genetically Engineered Embryos a Reality
Are designer babies on the way? Human embryos, genetically modified for the first time after leading scientists pioneer 'controversial technique'
Innovative: Leading American scientists have secretly carried out extensive work into altering the DNA of human embryos. Pictured here is a two-day old human embryo
Human embryos have been genetically modified for the first time ever, which could soon lead to the creation of designer babies. Leading American scientists have secretly carried out extensive work into altering the DNA of human embryos.
The technique would revolutionize health care, allowing scientists to prevent genetically inherited diseases and significantly lessening the chances of others being passed down.
But the treatment has sparked controversy, with critics saying that tampering with the essence of human code is 'dangerous and ethically unacceptable'.
The research is believed to have been carried out on ovary cells taken from a woman with inherited ovarian cancer to investigate the possibility of eventually using gene-editing to produce IVF embryos that are free of the disease.
The reports say that researchers at Harvard Medical School in Cambridge, Massachusetts, used the Crispr gene-editing technique on human ovarian tissue cultured in the lab to attempt to correct the defective BRAC1 gene which results in inherited breast and ovarian cancer.
The work was carried out last year by Luhan Yang, a researcher working in the lab of the respected Harvard geneticist George Church.
Professor Church insisted that the work was purely experimental and there was no intention of fertilizing any eggs or transplanting them into a woman.
He said: 'The experiments were not in human beings. They were in cells in culture.'
'This is very basic science and there is a very big difference between doing experiments on human cells in culture, which we've been doing for many years, and actually putting them into a human being.'
'This is very basic science and there is a very big difference between doing experiments on human cells in culture, which we've been doing for many years, and actually putting them into a human being.'
The Crispr technique has been used to correct inherited diseases in laboratory animals as well as mending human genetic defects in nonreproductive human cells grown in the laboratory.
Researchers have been amazed by its precision, leading it to be considered for human germ-line therapy to correct inherited diseases by genetically modifying eggs, sperm or IVF embryos.
The study has not yet been published in a scientific journal and Dr Yang was unavailable for comment.
Several laboratories are believed to have altered the DNA of human embryos, which means scientists could try to make changes to people's personalities, such as improving their physical attributes or intellectual capabilities.
And although it is illegal in most of the world, such techniques would not break the law everywhere and would be allowed in Russia and parts of South America.
Professor John Parrington, from Oxford University, said 'I have been expecting this, perhaps not quite so soon. New genome-editing tools are highly efficient and relatively easy to use.'
'These are tools available to practically any molecular biology laboratory in the world and if you also have the ability to inject a fertilized egg, then combining these two technologies makes it possible to precisely modify the genome of the resulting embryo.
'This makes it feasible for any reasonably skilled lab to use and science being what it is, people will seek to apply these technologies. Clearly some people have already done it on human embryos.'
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Location: The work was carried out last year by Luhan Yang, a researcher working in the lab of the respected Harvard Medical School geneticist George Church
A comment article by leading academics in science magazine 'Nature' this week warns of the dangers of the practice.
They wrote: 'Genome editing in human embryos using current technologies could have unpredictable effects on future generations. This makes it dangerous and ethically unacceptable.
A group of leading researchers at Alliance for Regenerative Medicine in Washington, USA, have called for the work to now stop, citing ethical, safety and scientific reasons.
In a statement, they said: 'Philosophically or ethically justifiable applications for this technology — should any ever exist — are moot until it becomes possible to demonstrate safe outcomes and obtain reproducible data over multiple generations.
'Many oppose germline modification on the grounds that permitting even unambiguously therapeutic interventions could start us down a path towards non-therapeutic genetic enhancement. We share these concerns.'
Kids !!! Actual Quotes sent in to a British Newspaper
OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a Child handed his teacher a note from his mother. It read, 'The opinions expressed by this child are not necessarily those of his parents ..'
KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mummy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now, she's hitting the bottle.'
POLICE
While taking a routine vandalism report at a school, a cop was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years old. Looking up and down at his uniform, she asked, 'Are you a policeman?' 'Yes,' he answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's right,' he told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot toward him, 'would you please tie my shoe?'
ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to the elderly, a woman used to take her 4-year-old daughter on the afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day she found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As she braced herself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy, you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'
DEATH
While walking along the pavement in front of his church, a minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed, they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and made ready for the disposal of the deceased. The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Father, and unto the Son, and into the hole he goes.' (I want this line used at my funeral!)
SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages. 'Mum, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he answered, 'I think it's Adam's underwear!'
You just have to love the little darlings.
Saturday, March 14, 2015
Food for thought: Avoid fatigue
Do you ever feel tired or drained? Many of us, especially women, report feeling fatigued at some point. Fatigue is the term used to describe the general overall feeling of tiredness and/or a lack of energy. Fatigue is a very common symptom for several different medical conditions and it can also be the result of some lifestyle choices. Making sure you take care of your body by getting enough activity and proper nutrition are important keys to fighting general fatigue. Here are a few tips to help you combat fatigue:
It may sound obvious, but make sure you are getting enough sleep. Proper sleep is necessary for overall health including proper metabolism, reduction of stress and managing fatigue. Most of us need 7-8 hours of sleep every night. Limit foods that interfere with sleep such as alcohol and caffeine.
Lack of physical activity can increase fatigue. You need exercise to function properly. Start off slow such as taking a 10-15 minute walk or doing some light stretching, if weather does not permit outdoor activities. Although you may not feel like exercising at first, your energy levels will increase over time.
Many medical issues such as anemia, arthritis, cancer, diabetes, certain auto-immune disorders and the medications to treat them can cause fatigue. Make sure to discuss your symptoms and medication’s side effects with your physician or pharmacist.
Eat regular meals and drink plenty of water. Many times fatigue can be caused by hunger or thirst. Your body needs proper nutrition to function. Small snacks such as fruit with cheese or peanut butter are easy and help give you a burst of energy.
Consult your physician, if you have unexplained fatigue, fatigue with a fever, unexplained fatigue with a change in weight or fatigue that lasts more than two weeks.
Words of Wisdom :
The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.
I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts.
A proud grand-poppa G.
It may sound obvious, but make sure you are getting enough sleep. Proper sleep is necessary for overall health including proper metabolism, reduction of stress and managing fatigue. Most of us need 7-8 hours of sleep every night. Limit foods that interfere with sleep such as alcohol and caffeine.
Lack of physical activity can increase fatigue. You need exercise to function properly. Start off slow such as taking a 10-15 minute walk or doing some light stretching, if weather does not permit outdoor activities. Although you may not feel like exercising at first, your energy levels will increase over time.
Many medical issues such as anemia, arthritis, cancer, diabetes, certain auto-immune disorders and the medications to treat them can cause fatigue. Make sure to discuss your symptoms and medication’s side effects with your physician or pharmacist.
Eat regular meals and drink plenty of water. Many times fatigue can be caused by hunger or thirst. Your body needs proper nutrition to function. Small snacks such as fruit with cheese or peanut butter are easy and help give you a burst of energy.
Consult your physician, if you have unexplained fatigue, fatigue with a fever, unexplained fatigue with a change in weight or fatigue that lasts more than two weeks.
Words of Wisdom :
The golden opportunity you are seeking is in yourself. It is not in your environment; it is not in luck or chance, or the help of others; it is in yourself alone.
I am determined to be cheerful and happy in whatever situation I may find myself. For I have learned that the greater part of our misery or unhappiness is determined not by our circumstance but by our disposition.
People spend too much time finding other people to blame, too much energy finding excuses for not being what they are capable of being, and not enough energy putting themselves on the line, growing out of the past, and getting on with their lives.
Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.
Let my soul smile through my heart and my heart smile through my eyes, that I may scatter rich smiles in sad hearts.
A proud grand-poppa G.
Friday, March 13, 2015
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Ask Maxy
Dear Maxy
My husband and I have been married for 10 years , but I sometimes wonder whether I love him or am just used to having him around . We have no kids and I've started thinking of how my life would be without him .
This all began when he displayed an awful temper . He never gets physically violent , but he hurts me tremendously with things he says . He pays some of my bills , but always put his wants and needs before household things that are more important , like fixing the car or filling my prescriptions . I have to walk on eggshells most of the time . When it's a holiday or Valentine's Day , he expects me to get him something , but he never does anything special for me .
My friends think I'm still with him because I'm afraid to be alone . There are times when I enjoy his company but not that often . I'm not even sexually attracted to him anymore . Should I continue on because it just might be a phase I'm going through ?
Tired of It
Dear Tired of It,
While all relationships go through ups and downs, yours includes verbal abuse, a lack of consideration and a cruel disregard of your needs and feelings. You may also be in danger of the abuse escalating.
This is not acceptable behavior between loving spouses . If your husband is willing to go with you for counseling and work on this, there may be some hope for the relationship. If not ( and I suspect not), please talk to a counselor on your own to try to clarify your feelings and make the best decisions for your future .
Your husband may also wish to be free of the relationship.
Weigh the good times against the bad and I think you will find it is not worth spending your life being abused and held hostage to someone else's bad temper and moods. There are worse things than being alone. There are plenty of good and loving people out there. I don't think you would be alone for long.
http://www.verbalabuse.com/ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/5-ways-of-dealing-with-verbally-abusive-relationships/
Keep your spirits up,
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I am about to go on a third date with a lovely women . I feel that she is really special and I think she likes me . I am a guy that like to take things slow and I think she likes that too . The thing is , I don't want her to put me in the "friend" box just because I'm not making moves on her . We have held hands a couple of times and generally been close but we haven't kissed or anything yet . I want to take my time . I was married before and it didn't work out . I am not so much interested in dating around . I want to find a partner , but I think it's smart to take my time to see . How can I let her know that I like her romantically without doing anything romantic yet ?
Taking it Slow
Dear Taking it Slow ,
It may be refreshing to your date that you aren't "making moves" so quickly . You should make it absolutely clear to her that you like her romantically, especally if you are the kind of guy who often ends up becoming "the friend."
Why not tell her on your next date? Tell her how much you enjoy being with her and how much you are enjoying the process of getting to know her . Be upfront about your desire for a partner, your past, and why you would like to take it slowly. Foremost, it's important to discover if she feels the same way about you and is also looking a life partner. If not, you may be wasting a lot of time.
If she is indeed interested in finding a permanent mate, she will understand the need to take the time to see if the two of you are a good fit for each other. Ask her what her goals and desires for her future are and see if they mesh with yours.
By being completely honest and open about what's in your mind and heart, You are laying the foundation for true intimacy and a solid base for a long relationship.
Dear Maxy ,
I am a 14-year-old high school freshman is depressed about my future . As a result of my premature birth , I have a heart defect and lung problems and am very small for my age .
Recently my family went to a local park . It was humid and I was so worn out that my older brother let me ride on his back . Some classmates saw me and thought it was funny , so all the girls at school have nicknamed me "Baby."
But what really depresses me is the thought that I'm always going to be smaller than my peers . My doctor estimates that I probably won't grow taller than 5-foot-1 inch . I want to be a normal teenager . I want a girlfriend and to have fun hanging out with my friends .
Our school is having a freshman dance . I want to take a date , but every girl I have asked has turned me down and some have even laughed at me . One female friend told me girls think I'm cute , but they will be embarrassed to be seen with me . I am scared this is how things are going to be foe me . I don't want to live a lonely life . I want to have kids someday . I have had fleeting thoughts of suicide , but I would never do that to my family . Any advice on how I can make myself taller so girls will stop seeing me as a little kid ?
Too Small
Dear Too Small ,
I won't lie to you . It is a bit more difficult for men of small stature to attract women . Our society has a stereo-type, an image of a couple consisting of a taller male and smaller female, but fortunately, this is changing, just like all the other outdated misconceptions we hold. You see so many couples with a taller lady these days, that it is accepted without a glance.
Fourteen year old girls are very immature and much influenced by image but they do mature eventually and start to appreciate men for far more important things.
My husband and I have been married for 10 years , but I sometimes wonder whether I love him or am just used to having him around . We have no kids and I've started thinking of how my life would be without him .
This all began when he displayed an awful temper . He never gets physically violent , but he hurts me tremendously with things he says . He pays some of my bills , but always put his wants and needs before household things that are more important , like fixing the car or filling my prescriptions . I have to walk on eggshells most of the time . When it's a holiday or Valentine's Day , he expects me to get him something , but he never does anything special for me .
My friends think I'm still with him because I'm afraid to be alone . There are times when I enjoy his company but not that often . I'm not even sexually attracted to him anymore . Should I continue on because it just might be a phase I'm going through ?
Tired of It
Dear Tired of It,
While all relationships go through ups and downs, yours includes verbal abuse, a lack of consideration and a cruel disregard of your needs and feelings. You may also be in danger of the abuse escalating.
This is not acceptable behavior between loving spouses . If your husband is willing to go with you for counseling and work on this, there may be some hope for the relationship. If not ( and I suspect not), please talk to a counselor on your own to try to clarify your feelings and make the best decisions for your future .
Your husband may also wish to be free of the relationship.
Weigh the good times against the bad and I think you will find it is not worth spending your life being abused and held hostage to someone else's bad temper and moods. There are worse things than being alone. There are plenty of good and loving people out there. I don't think you would be alone for long.
http://www.verbalabuse.com/ http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/verbal-abuse/5-ways-of-dealing-with-verbally-abusive-relationships/
Keep your spirits up,
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I am about to go on a third date with a lovely women . I feel that she is really special and I think she likes me . I am a guy that like to take things slow and I think she likes that too . The thing is , I don't want her to put me in the "friend" box just because I'm not making moves on her . We have held hands a couple of times and generally been close but we haven't kissed or anything yet . I want to take my time . I was married before and it didn't work out . I am not so much interested in dating around . I want to find a partner , but I think it's smart to take my time to see . How can I let her know that I like her romantically without doing anything romantic yet ?
Taking it Slow
Dear Taking it Slow ,
It may be refreshing to your date that you aren't "making moves" so quickly . You should make it absolutely clear to her that you like her romantically, especally if you are the kind of guy who often ends up becoming "the friend."
Why not tell her on your next date? Tell her how much you enjoy being with her and how much you are enjoying the process of getting to know her . Be upfront about your desire for a partner, your past, and why you would like to take it slowly. Foremost, it's important to discover if she feels the same way about you and is also looking a life partner. If not, you may be wasting a lot of time.
If she is indeed interested in finding a permanent mate, she will understand the need to take the time to see if the two of you are a good fit for each other. Ask her what her goals and desires for her future are and see if they mesh with yours.
By being completely honest and open about what's in your mind and heart, You are laying the foundation for true intimacy and a solid base for a long relationship.
Maxy
Dear Maxy , My parents divorced 10 years ago , my two sisters and I , are all in our 30s , reacted differently when Dad recently remarried . I was delighted to see him with someone else who makes him happy . My sisters , however declared that they want nothing to do with his new wife , although they'll keep seeing Dad. I told them their attitude is silly , childish and unworkable . Now they have turned on me , claiming that I am "insensitive." What do you think ?Troubled
Dear Troubled,
Your sisters may be acting out of 'misplaced loyalty' to your mom. On the other hand they could be behaving out of sheer jealousy because your father's attention will be diverted from them. They, perhaps, might even be worried that your dad will change his will and there will be less or nothing for them. Your sisters are not behaving maturely or in your dad's best interest. You, however, are genuinely being sensitive and caring.Whatever their agenda, you might best be served by simply telling your sisters that it's up to them how they choose to treat your dad and his wife. But you intend to warmly welcome your stepmother to the family because she makes your dad happy and that is the important thing. Nothing more needs to be said. Hopefully they will come around in time, but don't count on it.
Do let your dad and his wife know how you feel. The sooner the better.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I am a 14-year-old high school freshman is depressed about my future . As a result of my premature birth , I have a heart defect and lung problems and am very small for my age .
But what really depresses me is the thought that I'm always going to be smaller than my peers . My doctor estimates that I probably won't grow taller than 5-foot-1 inch . I want to be a normal teenager . I want a girlfriend and to have fun hanging out with my friends .
Our school is having a freshman dance . I want to take a date , but every girl I have asked has turned me down and some have even laughed at me . One female friend told me girls think I'm cute , but they will be embarrassed to be seen with me . I am scared this is how things are going to be foe me . I don't want to live a lonely life . I want to have kids someday . I have had fleeting thoughts of suicide , but I would never do that to my family . Any advice on how I can make myself taller so girls will stop seeing me as a little kid ?
Too Small
Dear Too Small ,
I won't lie to you . It is a bit more difficult for men of small stature to attract women . Our society has a stereo-type, an image of a couple consisting of a taller male and smaller female, but fortunately, this is changing, just like all the other outdated misconceptions we hold. You see so many couples with a taller lady these days, that it is accepted without a glance.
Fourteen year old girls are very immature and much influenced by image but they do mature eventually and start to appreciate men for far more important things.
The fact that you are writing to me, tells me that this is affecting your self esteem. Let me make one thing clear; you are a normal teenager. You just need a morale boost and a change of attitude. Think about the boys in your school who do get the girls. They have confidence, they believe in themselves and they have a 'don't give a darn' attitude. Girls are very attracted to that kind of confidence. If you seem too needy or nervous, that will discourage them even more than your height does. If your height is a big issue with you then it will be a big issue with the girls .
The ladies also love a guy with a lot of personality and a great sense of humor. Be friendly and face the world with a nice white smile. These things can be developed without losing the essence of your true self. Just be the best that you can be and still be comfortable in your own skin.
You are still growing and you will get stronger, so try not to take the rejection of superficial teenaged girls too seriously. It's not essential to have a girlfriend at fourteen, and honestly, we have all been rejected many times in our lives.
Once you are out of high school, things will be a lot easier. Older girls look for deeper, lasting qualities in a man and the right lady will come along for you. Be patient.
For inspiration, consider all these famous, diminutive men who are not exactly towering over you ... guys like: Prince, Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Martin Scorsese, Kevin Hart, Ringo Starr, Dustin Hoffman, George Stephanopoulos, Paul Simon, James Madison, Seth Green, Joe Pesci, Robin Williams, Al Pacino, Danny DeVito, Bruno Mars, Martin Short, Daniel Radcliffe, Michael J Fox, Richard Dreyfuss, Mel Brooks, David Spade, Woody Allen, Beethoven, Truman Capote, Salvador Dali, Picasso, Ghandi, Elton John, Nikita Khrushchev, Andrew Carnegie, Yuri Gagarin ( first astronaut) and millions more. Their height didn't hold them back from anything.
Once you are out of high school, things will be a lot easier. Older girls look for deeper, lasting qualities in a man and the right lady will come along for you. Be patient.
For inspiration, consider all these famous, diminutive men who are not exactly towering over you ... guys like: Prince, Jon Stewart, Tom Cruise, Martin Scorsese, Kevin Hart, Ringo Starr, Dustin Hoffman, George Stephanopoulos, Paul Simon, James Madison, Seth Green, Joe Pesci, Robin Williams, Al Pacino, Danny DeVito, Bruno Mars, Martin Short, Daniel Radcliffe, Michael J Fox, Richard Dreyfuss, Mel Brooks, David Spade, Woody Allen, Beethoven, Truman Capote, Salvador Dali, Picasso, Ghandi, Elton John, Nikita Khrushchev, Andrew Carnegie, Yuri Gagarin ( first astronaut) and millions more. Their height didn't hold them back from anything.
Maxy
Saturday, March 7, 2015
Food for thought : Hot is good for you
Louisiana Hot Sauce
The standard method for preparing Buffalo-style wings is to deep-fry them . Then dip in a mixture of melted butter and liquid hot sauce . The specific red pepper sauce is used is an issue that is hotly debated by wings fans . Some prefer Durkee ( formerly Frank's Lousiana Hot Sauce) , yet other swear by Crystal . Both of these hot sauces are readily available in most grocery stores . To be authentic , you'll need to accompany your wings with fresh , crisp celery and blue cheese dressing , both of which are said to help ease the heat of the hot wings .
Words of Wisdom :
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
- Unknown
A Proud grand-poppa G.
The standard method for preparing Buffalo-style wings is to deep-fry them . Then dip in a mixture of melted butter and liquid hot sauce . The specific red pepper sauce is used is an issue that is hotly debated by wings fans . Some prefer Durkee ( formerly Frank's Lousiana Hot Sauce) , yet other swear by Crystal . Both of these hot sauces are readily available in most grocery stores . To be authentic , you'll need to accompany your wings with fresh , crisp celery and blue cheese dressing , both of which are said to help ease the heat of the hot wings .
Words of Wisdom :
"Eleven Hints for Life"
1. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return.
But what is more painful is to love someone and never
find the courage to let that person know how you feel.
2. A sad thing in life is when you meet someone who
means a lot to you, only to find out in the end that it was
never meant to be and you just have to let go.
3. The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a
porch swing with, never say a word, and then walk away
feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.
4. It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose
it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been
missing until it arrives.
5. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone, and a day to love someone-but it
takes a lifetime to forget someone.
6. Don't go for looks, they can deceive. Don't go for wealth,
even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you
smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day
seem bright.
7. Dream what you want to dream, go where you want to go,
be what you want to be. Because you have only one life and
one chance to do all the things you want to do.
8. Always put yourself in the other's shoes. If you feel that it
hurts you, it probably hurts the person too.
9. A careless word may kindle strife. A cruel word may wreck
a life. A timely word may level stress. But a loving word may
heal and bless.
10. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best
of everything they just make the most of everything that comes
along their way.
11. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, ends with
a tear. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die,
you're the one smiling and everyone around you is crying.
- Unknown
A Proud grand-poppa G.
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