Ask Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,

I have been married for six months  and am crazy for my hubby. He has back problems and some sexual issues  that keep us from being intimate . At least, those are the excuses  he uses  for the fact  that we don't touch like we used to .

I recently came across some love notes to an ex-girlfriend  saying how they are going to be happy growing old together  and how much he loves her. I pay his child support  and love his kids  like my own . He says he love me, but I have doubts  that he is being honest . He is constantly  texting  and emailing  and never puts his phone down . He acts like he's afraid I will look at it .

I've been hurt  before  by lies  and don't want  to go through it  again. What do I do ?

Scared and Lonely

 

Dear Scared ,

Were these recent love letters  or old  ones  that you happened  to find? If they are old  try to ignore  them . He married you, not his ex-girlfriend .

If they are recent, however, it could be serious, especially  when combined with constant and secretive  texting, calling  and emailing .

Married partners  owe it to each other  to be open  and honest . Talk  to your husband . If his answers  don't reassure  you, the next  step is counseling .

Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,

I recieved  a last-minute  phone call  on New Years Eve from a female  friend, saying she wanted  to be my date  to celebrate the new year . I was slow to answer  her request  because she just broke up with her boyfriend of three years .

I finally  answered her  by saying I was invited  to a friend's house for a private New Year's party . I felt kind of bad because I could have, easily, asked my friend  if I could bring a date  for the evening but I didn't . Do you think  I was wrong  for saying no ?

Happy

 

Dear Happy ,

In a word, no . It would be one thing  if your friend's call  had not come at the last minute . The fact that she reached  out to you  so late for such a major occasion means that she knew there was a good chance  you wouldn't be able to do it . She took a chance in asking you. It's good  you responed  to her, if only  to say that it wouldn't work out .

If you would like to support  her during  this tender  time after  her breakup, reach out  to her now  and invite her for coffee or something similar . But  there is no need  to rehash New Year's Eve. That is in the past .

Maxy

 

Dear Maxy ,

How do you deal with an absentee father? I cannot believe this man forgot his son's third birthday . There was no phone call, no text  and no email from this man . I was fortunate enough to have my family around  and we had a good time .

My son's father  finally called me  to say he forgot the birthday . This is the second year in a row that he was not around . How do I express my displeasure .

Mama Drama

 

Dear Mama Drama ,

Especially since your son's father is not  in your son's life everyday, it's important  for you to support  and nurture  their relationship .

You can call and let him know  that you were terribly disappointed  that he forgot . But don't beat him up about it . Instead, tell him that you  will help him remember next year. In this way, he won't feel as if you're constantly testing him . Also do your best  to make him feel included . Tell him what you will be doing  for the birthday  and invite  him to participate . This should help him choose to pay closer attention .

Maxy