Dear Maxy,
I'm a very sad woman . I work and take care of my home and kids . My husband and I had trouble getting pregnant with the second child and after months of trying we went to a fertility clinic . It was a difficult time and I was not giving my husband all the attention he needed .
One day he was at my friend's house and a female acquaintance of hers was there . This woman was in the middle of her own divorce and she and my husband began a conversation . She told him if he wasn't happy, he should divorce me and be happy for himself instead of worrying about his wife and kids . My husband filed divorce papers while I was pregnant . Now the two of them are together and he thinks I don't know .
What kind of woman thinks this is OK to do ? I have two small kids and love my husband with all my heart . I know I have things to work on . Where is respect for women out there ?
Broken Heart
Dear Broken Heart,
While I agree that women shouldn't go after married men (and vice versa), you are blaming the woman when it is your husband who strayed . He wanted an excuse to get out of his responsibilities , and she was simply the match that lit the flame .
Please see a lawyer immediately so you can protect yourself and your children . Then ask your husband to go with you for counseling to see thether you can reconcile . But if he is determined to get out of the marriage, the counseling will help you develop coping strategies for the future . Your children need you to be strong and capable.
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I'm a senior citizen . My companion of 16 years passed away a few years ago . I've had a few dating lunches since then, but nothing serious . Several weeks ago, while looking over hot dishes at a local health store, I heard a voice behind me saying , "I can't eat some of the choices because they are a little too spicy ." I turned around and said, "I didn't know there were other people with those issues."
He grasped my hand, shook it and we chatted a bit . When I saw him again at the cash register, he said , "maybe we'll see each other at lunch sometime ." I said, "I hope so, it's been a pleasure ." I wish I had taken more notice of his features . Thereafter, I looked for him at every store, but then my sister was hospitalized and I was always running around too busy to spend too much time there .
I am so sad now, because his handshake was of a true gentleman and it stole my heart . I hope he reads your column and tries again .
A fan
Dear Fan ,
While I am not running a matchmaking service, I can see you are distraught by having missed an opportunity . But also, if you were not interested enough to pay more attention to this gentleman the first time, it is possible that you are over romanticizing the encounter in hindsight . So recognizing that you may be disappointed , I recommend you spend a little more time at the health store, since you know he frequents the place . If you should see him, you will have to take the initiative and say hello . He may have assumed your brush-off was intentional . Good luck .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
I ran into my ex-crush at an event last week , and I got go flustered . I had such a big crush on this man for years . We tried dating some time ago . Well, I should say that I tried to get him to date me, but it never quite happened . In the end we stopped hanging out so things could cool off . Seeing him the other day brought all that emotion back in a flood . I was kind and cordial . I definitely didn't do anything weird, but I realize I still cared a lot about him . How do I handle these emotions ? I don't want to go back into that crazy state of trying to get him to like me again . I do not think that will work .
All Mixed Up
Dear All Mixed Up ,
As challenging as it may be for you, please take a deep breath and step back . Whenever you find yourself in a situation where you feel overcome by emotion, the smartest thing you can do is to be still . Do not act on that emotion ... Allow it to pass rather than over take you or control you.
In order for you to stand a chance of having a healthy friendship with this man, you have to choose to let go of the emotional grip your bond has over you right now . Otherwise, everytime you run into this man , the same thing will happen, you will get flustered and over-emotional. As you assess your feeling, consider why you get so caught up . Did he do something in particular that is inexplicably attractive to you ? Can you identify what triggers your emotional swell ? Is it just nostalgia?
Chances are some of the intensity is about what you wish for rather than what you have . Choose to move forward and see what is before your eyes, not what you want to see there .
Maxy
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Thursday, July 25, 2013
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