Dear Maxy ,
I am 37 and divorced . I identify myself as bisexual and try to live my dating life very privately .
The problem is, my parents are quite judgmental and racist . I dare not say anything about my dating partners, who are either gender and any color . But I am tired of living my life for others . If I choose to go my own way, however, my two children would lose their grandparents . Any suggestions ?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
You aren't giving your parents any credit for being for being able to accept you as you are for the sake of their grandchildren . You don't need to give them details of your dating life and parade various partners in front of them . No one does and parents do not really want to hear about it. Your sexual orientation is your own intimate and personal business.
But you should not be afraid to introduce them to someone who becomes a meaningful part of your life, with whom you wish a serious relationship. Give them the time to work through their feelings and you will probably find they still love you and very much want to see you and their grandchildren. You can find support through PFLAG (pflag.org )
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I have to travel 45 minutes by bus to get to work and the bus comes only once an hour, something that my boss knows . I came into work and discovered that the doors were locked . A custodian let me in, but my department was still locked . I checked my email and saw that my boss had sent me an email, prior to when I have to be in the office, to tell me that I didn't need to come in today . I found this rude, since she knows my situation and I had to use my own money to pay for the bus to and from work that day, which was a waste of my wages, as the bus fare is not cheap . Do I have a right to ask for compensation ?
Snubbed at Work
Dear Snubbed at Work ,
Chances are your boss did not intentionally make the decision not to open the office that day too late for you to know it . It's most likely that she did not realize that she didn't take her staff travel time into account . Often, important decisions get made in a vacuum and some things that should be obvious are overlooked . This does not make your boss's actions right, however, it can explain how such a thing could happen .
I think it is fair for you to mention to your boss that you did not get the message in time and you came to work unnecessarily .
You can say how much your commute costs and ask if you could possibly be reimbursed . By asking in a polite, respectful way , you create space for your boss to apologize and give you the money that you spent . Chances are good she will see it your way.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I am writing for a critique group that meets once a week . It is a small group; therefore, we depend on the attendance of the members, which we make very clear in the beginning . Of course, there are times when people are unable to make it and we ask that they let us know ahead of time . However, there have been a couple of people who just won't show up one week, or for a few weeks at a time with no explanation . Is it wrong to expect members of a group let us know if they can't make a meeting , even if we did not explicitly state that they should tell us when we started the group ?
Team Work
Dear Team Work ,
It is perfectly within your rights to follow up with members of your writing critique group to ask them to honor their obligation to attend and participate in your group sessions . Contact each of the no-shows to find out if they are all right and if they intend to come back . Explain how difficult it can be when members do not show up . Ask them to commit more fully to the group if they want to continue to be a part of it . It may encourage them to commit but be prepared if someone withdraws from your group because they prefer a more casual involvement.
Maxy
I am 37 and divorced . I identify myself as bisexual and try to live my dating life very privately .
The problem is, my parents are quite judgmental and racist . I dare not say anything about my dating partners, who are either gender and any color . But I am tired of living my life for others . If I choose to go my own way, however, my two children would lose their grandparents . Any suggestions ?
Frustrated
Dear Frustrated,
You aren't giving your parents any credit for being for being able to accept you as you are for the sake of their grandchildren . You don't need to give them details of your dating life and parade various partners in front of them . No one does and parents do not really want to hear about it. Your sexual orientation is your own intimate and personal business.
But you should not be afraid to introduce them to someone who becomes a meaningful part of your life, with whom you wish a serious relationship. Give them the time to work through their feelings and you will probably find they still love you and very much want to see you and their grandchildren. You can find support through PFLAG (pflag.org )
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I have to travel 45 minutes by bus to get to work and the bus comes only once an hour, something that my boss knows . I came into work and discovered that the doors were locked . A custodian let me in, but my department was still locked . I checked my email and saw that my boss had sent me an email, prior to when I have to be in the office, to tell me that I didn't need to come in today . I found this rude, since she knows my situation and I had to use my own money to pay for the bus to and from work that day, which was a waste of my wages, as the bus fare is not cheap . Do I have a right to ask for compensation ?
Snubbed at Work
Dear Snubbed at Work ,
Chances are your boss did not intentionally make the decision not to open the office that day too late for you to know it . It's most likely that she did not realize that she didn't take her staff travel time into account . Often, important decisions get made in a vacuum and some things that should be obvious are overlooked . This does not make your boss's actions right, however, it can explain how such a thing could happen .
I think it is fair for you to mention to your boss that you did not get the message in time and you came to work unnecessarily .
You can say how much your commute costs and ask if you could possibly be reimbursed . By asking in a polite, respectful way , you create space for your boss to apologize and give you the money that you spent . Chances are good she will see it your way.
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I am writing for a critique group that meets once a week . It is a small group; therefore, we depend on the attendance of the members, which we make very clear in the beginning . Of course, there are times when people are unable to make it and we ask that they let us know ahead of time . However, there have been a couple of people who just won't show up one week, or for a few weeks at a time with no explanation . Is it wrong to expect members of a group let us know if they can't make a meeting , even if we did not explicitly state that they should tell us when we started the group ?
Team Work
Dear Team Work ,
It is perfectly within your rights to follow up with members of your writing critique group to ask them to honor their obligation to attend and participate in your group sessions . Contact each of the no-shows to find out if they are all right and if they intend to come back . Explain how difficult it can be when members do not show up . Ask them to commit more fully to the group if they want to continue to be a part of it . It may encourage them to commit but be prepared if someone withdraws from your group because they prefer a more casual involvement.
Maxy
Maxy ,
ReplyDeleteYou did it again . Good advice to the bisexual parent , you can tell she is female because she said the children would lose their grandparents . you gave her a place to go for help .
Good advice to the employee , it could have been a last minute thing .
Now the person that writing the letter should address this at the next meeting , good advice .
I am still working on my friends , they say you don't know them , I told them that is the best part , you will not be bias in your advice . Not to hope over the other blogs to see what they are doing .
Ardis Whittin