Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
My husband and I moved to Florida  30 years ago  and raised our children here . Some friends  recently retired  and moved to our area . Florida is a large state  and we were  surprised  that both  of these  couples (who don't know each other)  chose to purchase  homes  within a 20-mile radius of us . My husband and I are being pressured  to resume these friendships but frankly, we are not interested  . When these couples  email I keep making excuses and I don't answer the phone when they call . It's been months  and none of them  has figured  it out . They persist .
One of these women was a childhood friend but she is boastful and competitive and her husband is worse . I don't have it in me to level with them . How can we stop  them from calling without creating  hurt  feelings ?
Needs Advice
Dear Needs  Advice ,
Has it occurred  to you that  these couples  may have moved to this location  because they thought they had at least one friend  in this area ? It means they will persist  until they develop  new friends  who occupy  their time . If  you are likely to run into them  at shops  or social events, it may be in your best interests to allow  a limited  friendship  so you are on speaking terms . That means, you answer every fifth call or  email  and arrange  a social  engagement  every few months  . As they become more acclimated  to  their new digs, you can cut back  until you reach the amount  of contact  you can handle . By then your absence  will be  less important  to them .
Maxy


Dear Maxy ,
My boyfriend  will be  67 in two weeks  and for the third  year in a row I will probably  watch his heart break because  his 90-year-old mother  will not  acknowledge  his  birthday .
He has done nothing to make her feel this way. She lives in our  city  but he has  not  seen her in more than three years . I am so afraid  she will pass  on before they reconcile . What would  cause a woman to  have no feeling  for her own son ?
Baffled
Dear Baffled ,
I don't  know but if they haven't seen each other  since  she was 87, there is a possibility  of a decline  in her mental faculties  . Did she acknowledge  his  birthday  before . Was  she OK  the last time he saw her ? Is there a sibling, relative  or  friend  who could  intercede on his behalf ? Some children  call their parents on their birthdays  for giving  birth to them . Your boyfriend  might try  this to see whether  it breaks the ice . But if  nothing works, do something for his birthday  that he enjoys  and that will take his mind off of Mom, but remember, she is ninety and should be relieved of family obligations. You and your husband could take the burden off her and assume responsibilty for keeping in touch.
Maxy


Dear Maxy ,
I love my husband . He is a wonderful man , but when it  comes to his cooking, I would rather  he not step in my kitchen again . Last Saturday, my husband  took the initiative  to make  breakfast; he made pancakes, scrambled eggs  and turkey sausage .
His  goal was to put a smile on my face. Sadly, I threw out  the food he made  because it was terrible . He was upset  because I threw  out the cooked  food  and made breakfast  the right way . I think I could  have  handled  the situation  differently.
Shaky Ground .
Dear Shaky Ground ,
You are tough. It would  have been  far nicer for you to thank your husband  for trying  and to eat what you could . You insulted  him  and surely hurt his feelings. Instead, encourage him to spend  time in the kitchen with you .
You can still thank him  for his efforts  and invite him to make a special meal  with you . Teach him how to make eggs  to your liking, or  choose  another dish . As a couple, you can have fun  learning  about  anything together.  
Attitude is everything !
And  you my dear need an attitude adjustment .
Maxy