Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
More than forty years ago , I was the target of cruel bullying . A girl who hated me started a vicious rumor that ruined my reputation . She said I slept with the entire football team. If that wasn 't enough , she and a carful of girls drove by my house one night while I was sitting with my parents and blurted out this terrible lie . My father went to her house and told her parents what she did , but it didn't help . My own mother questioned me about the truth of it .
This lie has trailed me my whole life . It had haunted me for years  , and I have had moments of self-loathing to the point of wanting to die.
This "girl" now is the pillar of the community and a do-gooder , but I've been told she is hateful. My question is ; How do I get over this ? I went to therapy and asked about confronting this person . I was told it was pointless , that she doesn't remember . This rumor destroyed my life . What should I do ?
Broken
Dear Broken,
If confronting this woman would make you feel better , go right ahead. However , she seems the type who would derive great satisfaction from knowing how much power she has had over your life for the past 40 years.  And you have given her that power by clinging to your hurt . The best revenge is to live a terrific , rewarding life  in which this woman is insignificant . You need to heal from this grievious wound , and it requires forgiveness and acceptance  so you can move forward  without anger . Please return for counseling . One session is not enough to work through this .
Maxy

Dear Maxy .
My husband is a retired supervisor  from a local government job . As a result , we often go to functions where all employees are invited  , both the retired and those still working .
One of the people my husband hired before he left singles me out and makes embarrassing remarks about me in front of the group , but only when my husband is out of the room . I have tried to politely ignore him  and have also asked for some support from my husband . He thinks I should just suck it up . As a result of this unkind behavior , I no longer wish to attend these functions .
Now my husbands is angry with me . What am I suppose to do ?
Sad
Dear Sad ,
When adolescent boys had a crush on a girl , they would pull their pigtails . When this man makes inappropriate comments about you , put on your sultriest look , smile and say loudly for everone to hear , "My , my . You are really desperate for my attention , especially when my husband isn't around ." No matter what he says after that , you should respond as if he is trying to hide an infatuation . That should do it .
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I got together with this guy I have been dating a few months , and things got a little frisky . It was a lot of fun until we were slightly undressed and he stopped and told me that he didn't realize I was fat and immediately put his clothes back on  and said he couldn't go there with me  because he didn't like my body.
I was so upset . I'm kind of a chubby girl, but how could he not know that ? I have never pretended to be a different size . It was horrible.
He has subsequently called me to apologize , but it doesn't change how he feels . Should I walk away ? I don't knoe what to do .
Marjorie
Dear Marjorie ,
I'm so glad you didn't go any further in this frisky department with this man . He does not deserve you if he doesn't respect you as you are . Leave now and forever hold your peace.
Maxy