Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I'm a young woman going on a date for the first time in a new city. I'm new to atmosphere , and I'm not accustomed to the ways here . I'm originally from the  South , where the man picks up the woman , pays for the meal and takes her home, sweet and simple . However , here I am unsure of how to act , and what should I wear . On top of that , the public transportation is new to me . Does my date pick me up in a cab , or do we ride the subway together ? What are some precautions  that I should know before going on this date ?

Laura -- New Court

Dear Lainey ,

This is where asking questions figures in . When you are invited to go on a date , ask the person about the logistics -- will you meet at the location , will he pick you up , etc. Where you are going will determine what you wear , just like back home . I would say since many people do a lot of walking in Manhattan , you should at least bring a comfortable pair of shoes with you if you decide to wear heels .I've been caught in the city with ac hing feet when I had on cute shoes.

As far as precautions go , for a first date I prefer that your date not come to your home because you don't know him yet. As for who pays , I'm old school and still love the idea of the man paying for the first date, although you should be be prepared to pay your way in case he doesn't.

Maxy

Dear Maxy ,

I've been charged with coordinating a vacation for two couples . I'm really great with planning , but I'm not quite sure about this couple thing . My best friend and her boyfriend are really outgoing party people . On the other hand , my boyfriend and I are homebodies who injoy indoor games and movies .

How can I find a happy medium?

Layi

Dear Layi ,

Being the coordinator doesn't mean you can't talk to others.

Schedule a time when you talk with a group  about activities they would like to do  -- together and sepapartely . This discussion will help everyone understand your varied interests and desires .

Know that you don't have to be together every minute of your vacation .

Map out certain activites for each day , but be sure to allot downtime for each couple.

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

At our recent wedding , we had 25 guests from the groom's side of the family . Not one of them gave a gift . Is that normal ? Should we  mention  it to the groom's mother ?

Just Wondering

Dear Wondering ,

Please don't . While it is customary for people who attend a wedding to give a gift , it is poor manners to demand one . And it is quite possible these guests will send something at a later date .

Maxy