Ask Maxy

Maxy ,
I visited the Facebook sites they all seem to be community help places which is nice, my problem is a little different . My boyfriend will be in boot camp for 6 weeks and girl friends are not allowed until it's over and I need places that deal in that . Ardis told me to ask you again , he says if there is help out there you will find it . I hate to be a pain but I have no where to turn . So I will put my question again so you can remember me . Thanks , Ardis' friend

Dear Maxy ,
I've been seeing a guy for little over a year and he's joined the Air Force . He will be starting basic training in the months to come . I've tried to do some research on what military life is like so I can know what to expect when the time comes . I am so nervous . I really like him and believe we have something , but I am afraid .
With all the wars going on , I don't want him to get killed . I don't really know how to be supportive of him when I would rather he not go . How can I be a good girlfriend ?
Baby Don't Go
Dear Ardis' friend / Baby Don't go,
You want websites? We have websites for you.
http://www.militarysos.com/
http://www.military.com/spouse/military-life/newbies-and-brides/tips-for-newbies.html
http://www.militaryfamily.org/get-info/deployment/support-groups/
http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Am-A-United-States-Air-Force-Girlfriend/3202782

We also found a letter written by an Air Force Master Sergeant to a young lady in your situation: -
Dear.....
We understand that and all "girlfriends" AND "wives" go though the same thing when their guy joins the service.
Would you stop him from trying to make the best life he can for himself and for you? No. Well, he has thought it through and decided his "best chance" today is to join the military service.
Now, it is difficult to enter the Air Force. One has to score at least a 50% on the AFQT entrance test to be accepted. That is difficult. And, he had to wait "how many months"? just to get to basic training? You knew from the start that he was going to enter the Air Force.

Now, the time will go by fast. Here is a break down of what he will be going through: He will be at Lackland AFB, Texas for 9 1/2 weeks for basic training. He will be busy 24 hours a day including Sundays! And holidays. Basic Training does not take a "break."

He will get up at 4:30 in the morning. Dress, make his bed, march to chow (breakfast) and by 6 am he is doing AF training, either physical training (PT) or classrooms. Then, they go to chow (lunch) and back to training. Then, they go to chow (supper) and then back to the barracks/dorms to clean up and do "chores." Then, at 8 p.m. he gets ready for bedtime. Then, at 9 pm it is lights out and sleep until wake up again at 4:30 a.m.
He has NO TIME TO MEET ANY GIRLS! Don't worry! Nobody gets free time to roam the base. NOBODY.

Finally, graduation day comes. Then, he gets on a bus and either goes to another base in Texas or Mississippi. Or, if he is in missiles he will fly to California.
His technical school could be from 1 month to 10 months. Depends. We don't know what his job is - yet. Once he finds out, he can obtain an official list of all the schools and how long each course is and where.

THEN, when his training is finished, he gets to come home for 2 weeks before he reports to his first Air Force base.
Are you and your boyfriend going to marry? If so, then you get to go with him to his first AF base.

What can you do right now? I will tell you. YOU can write him a letter, with pen and paper and a stamp, each and every day. That is the old-fashioned and TRUE way to keep up with your loved ones in the military. I can not emphasize enough to all the "peeps" who want to e-mail, Skype, Facebook and Twitter, etc., that the old-fashioned way works the best. And he can read it as often as he wants to.

Inside your envelope put another envelope with a stamp on it addressed to you. And, give him two blank sheets of paper. That way, he never has to worry about getting stamps. He usually has a little time before bedtime to write a few lines and it won't be more than 1 - 2 pages.
On the back of your envelope put the DATE. Why? Because he will often get 2 or more letters from you at one time. This way, he will know which one to read first to stay in sequence. Tell him to date "HIS" return mail the same way.

Then, when he graduates from all his training you will be very proud of him. And, hopefully, you both will make a great life together. BUT.... that also means that YOU have to become Air Force too. You have to learn how it is to be an Air Force family. If you can accept that, then, later on you won't even remember the few months that you waited for him. Does this help you any?
Larry Smith
Senior Master Sergeant, USAF (Ret.)
Good Luck,
Maxy


Dear Maxy ,
I just learned that one of  my neighbors  is  about to be evicted . She and her family  have  lived  in my building  for  generations  . They are the few  who are  left  of the old  guard, so to speak . I don't  know what  happen  to make  it so  they haven't  been able to pay their rent, nor is it my  business . But if it is really true, I feel like I want to reach out to the matriarch  and see how  she's doing . I don't  know  how much  they owe, but I wish  I could  do something  to  help . How  can I approach her without  offending  her ?
Reaching  out , The  Bronx
Dear  Reaching  Out ,
You have to be careful  here,  because this woman's  business is  not  yours . Plus, you may not have the resources  to help her . If she  really  is being evicted  in New York City, where the laws  generously  flavors  the tenant, it is likely  that she owes  a significant  amount of  money .
You can approach  your  neighbor  by saying  you wanted to check  in on her  to see how she was doing . Inquire  about her  and her family . Tell her  you have  been thinking  about her  and wanted to let  her know she is on your  mind .
Listen  to what  she has  to say . There's a chance  she won't  mention  eviction  . If  she doesn't,  you should  not either . Just  be friendly and  kind .
Maxy


Dear Maxy ,
My 12-year-old son is an OK student  who is extremely social . He also likes  sports a lot .  Now that school has started, he  has asked  to sign  up  for  lots  of extracurricular  activities but  I am concerned  that it  is too  much . I want him to enjoy  school ... including  having  friends and socializing  ... but his studies  should come first . How  can I impress  upon him  that he has  to do well  in school before  being allowed  to do everything  else ?
First Things First
Dear First  Things  First ,
Carefully review  the schedule  that your  son is proposing . Then  make  your own schedule  that includes  a healthy amount  of time  for  homework  and overall study . Look for pockets of time that might  exist  for  extracurricular  activities . From  that perspective, consider  what your son can do . Go through this process with him  so that he  can see  your thinking . Let him  know  you want him  to have  a well-rounded  life, but  that education  comes  first .
Suggest  a revised schedule  that allows  him  to do at least  one of  his  fun activities . Let him know  that he  may  be able  to add to his  extracurricular options  if  his grades  improve this semester . Supervise   his  study  and  get him help  if you think he  needs it .
Maxy