Kids Say The Darndest Things

Things parents tell their kids not to say and what lovely things kids have to say.

My mother told me not to tell any of the family secrets, like the time she dyed her hair blonde and it came out purple .
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My Momma said to keep her conidition a big secret , and the funny thing is , I don't even know what a 'secret' is . She just keeps getting fatter and fatter every week .
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My daddy told me to tell you he worked in a clip joint . Then when you asked me what is a clip joint  I tell you it's a Barber Shop on Wilshire . Now isn't that funny .
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My mother told me not to tell about my brother "Jimmy." He paused and gulped bravely . "See, Jimmy is a nasty boy who kicks and spits and hits , and besides he said a long time ago he would sell me for a penny . I'd give him away for nothing !"
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A small boy was asked . "What's new around your house ?"
"My mother had more babies in the last week than she's had in six months."
"I ... what?" Gasped the teacher . "How many babies did she have last week?"
"Eight."
What's this , some kind of joke ?" the teacher asked .
"No she works in the delivery room of the hosiptal."
"Aha! Did she tell you to say this to startle me out of my wits?"
No the boy calmly revealed , "but my father did ."
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A child's eye view of a politician and as stateman:
"One is running from office and the other is running for office ," said a ten-year old .
"A politician is always critizing and a stateman is always critized ," pontificated an eleven-year-old with surprising wisdom .
"A stateman makes money and the politician spends it," was another calculated guess.
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The grave logic of a child's imagination sounds rational , but the full impact circuitious reasoning comes home with a dull thud . Here's a lulu :
"Anything happen around lately around your house ?" a small boy was asked .
"Yes , I hit myself on the back of the head with a hammer ."
"That's to bad ," the man sympathized . "How'd it happen ?"
"I wanted to kill a fly."
"Wait a minute," the man stopped to reconsider the situation . "How could you see him if he was on the back of your head where the bump is ?"
"He wasn't on the back of my head . He was on the table in front of me ."
"But I don't understand " the man said puzzled . Then why did you hit yourself on the back of the head with the hammer ?"
The boy put his hands on his hips in a gesture of helpless frustration at the man's stupidity .
"Silly, I wanted to smash him with my forehead !"