Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,
My neighbor and I have children who are close in age . We often baby-sit each other's kids , which is helpful , but I have felt for a while she doesn't respect my time at all . She asks if I can watch her daughter at a particular time , but then she doesn't show up for 4 or 5 hours . Meanwhile my daughter and I will rush home and are sitting waiting so that we can help her out . It is so frustrating . We like these people a lot , but somehow the mom dosen't even see how rude she is being . What can I do to wake her up without offending her ?
Tired of Waiting
Dear Tired of Waiting ,
Tell your neighbor that you love her daughter and are happy to help her family , just as she helps you , but that you would appreciate it if they could figure out their schedule better in the future . You can cite one or two examples when you rushed home and waited for hours without any communication from them . Explain how frustrating that can be and more how it impacts your ability to go about your day .
Suggest that she agree to call immediately if something comes up so that you are then free. If she is unwilling to do this , you may want to stop agreeing to babysit at a particular time and / or stop waiting . If she doesn't show up within an hour of your scheduled rendezvous , phone her and call it off.
Maxy

Dear Maxy,
I recently started an exercise program and am very pleased with my progress . So far I have gotten up almost every morning since the year started to exercise for at least a half hour before I get ready for work . I bought one of those popular exercise videos that I've been working out with . Everything was going fine until my downstairs neighbor started complaining . She says that the sound of the video and my jumping around is horrible for her and that I keep waking her up . I exercise at 7:am , when most people are getting up . I don't play the video loudly , and I am unwilling to stop working out to appease her . What do you recommend ?
Gotta Work Out
Dear Gotta Work Out.
Congratulations on building your exercise regimen . By all means do not give it up . Instead , make sure you are exercising on a rup or mat that can obsorb sound . Turn down your TV volume as far as you can and still stay motivated . Consider moving your exercise program to another room that may not be directly over your neighbor's head . Apologize for distrubing your neighbor while saying you will be as quiet as possible .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have been having difficulty with my marriage for some time now .
In a moment of extreme saddness , I confided in a friend about what was going on with my husband and me . She helped me work through my thoughts . Later , I learned that she told another friend , I feel so violated .
I have been so private about my personal life , I opened up on that particular day only because it was a tough day and my husband and I got into an ugly argunment .
How can I manage my marriage , keep my sanity and keep my life private ?
Headed Toward Divorce in Dallas
Dear Headed Toward Divorce
It is difficult to go through such hardship alone , and yet , as you have experienced , usually people don't keep confidences . This is a time when I strongly recommend getting professional counseling support . Go to a marriage counselor , if your husband is willing , and work through your issues together . Even if your husbands refuses to go , find a counselor who can support you through this traumatic period . The good news with a professional is that the person is sworn to secrecy by a prossional code of honor .
Maxy