Is 40 Too Old to Wear Shorts?

There's a whisper going around among women over 40. Perhaps you aren't there yet. Perhaps, owing to some wonderful cornucopia of self-esteem, you never will be. But for the rest of us, there's the question that cannot be stopped: "Can I still wear shorts?" Even in shorts that don't do more than expose the bottom half of one's leg, it's still a minefield. Sure, knees are adorable on toddlers, are hopefully functional on athletes, and are what separate us from cacti, but can anyone say they're attractive?

Depending on genetics and lifestyle choices, when you no longer have just the Not-Very-Attractive knee, you reach the age of the NVA knee with newly flaccid skin above it. You're standing there, waiting for your dry cleaning or your number to come up at the deli, and you look down to see — aaarh! — the dermatological version of an origami crane. But it's the last warm day of autumn, so you cover up and try to forget

Then it gets warm again, and corduroy pants look incongruous. So, shorts. What to do? Go with the mid-knee style, which covers the offending area while giving you the "Elderhostel in Prague" look? Apparently, skirts are what Italian and French women wear instead of shorts. In theory, a skirt should take no more effort than walking shorts, but I don't have to think about shorts (except in relation to my knees). In a skirt I'm either doing battle with a hurricane-force updraft that seems to be following only me, or I'm in search of my zipper, which should be in the middle of my back yet is constantly migrating toward my belly.

A few of us moms were discussing this Monday while our kids ran up and down the field, their healthy legs lean and firm, their knees surrounded by taut skin, when we were interrupted by the impatient clicking of a tongue. One of the kids had been delivered by his grandmother, who rolled her eyes in mock contempt. "I don't know why you girls worry about these things," she said. "You all look fine. Besides, my friends and I wear shorts all the time."

It was an epiphany. I might not be wearing shorts this year, but once I hit 70, I can wear them again. I'll be so delighted that I'll wear them in all seasons, with textured stockings just as they do in the fashion magazines. They'll contrast nicely with my sequined holiday sweaters.

 

By Quinn Cummings      

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