Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy,

My son came home from school cureing up a storm , and I was so shocked I didn't know what to say . My son is 8 years old . We do not curse in our house at all , and we hav e talked about what we consider appropriate language to be in our home . It took everything in me not to spank him . What can I do to get him to stop ?

Larissa ...Macon ,Ga.

Dear Larissa,

I am glad you didn't spank your son . That might have reinforced bad behavior , actually, instead , here's what you can do . Revisit the conversation with your son , ask him where he learned those curse words . Do your best not to have a judgemental tone as you speak to him . Ask him who is cursing in school and why he chose to adopt that speech . Ask him if he thinks you approve of profanity . Get him to talk about what's going on in school . Peer pressure is tangible even at his age . Your job is to find out the source and then talk to your son about how he doesn't need to follow the trend even if other children are doing so . Tell him that he can choose to step away from the group that is using profanity or he can stay part of the group but simply not choose to use those words .

Children need to learn how to be in a situation but not of that situation . Your job is to teach him how to do that .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I have been working on a project for a few months now , with the promise of a big payoff down the line . I'm into this thing and I want to see it through , but I am stone-cold broke . I can hardly pay my phone bill and my rent . Meanwhile , I have to believe that my client has a few pennies to help me out . I am afraid to approach her , but I don't know what else to do . Otherwise , I think I may have to walk . Should I tell her ab out my situation before I bow out ? Help !

Brenda ...Staten Island

Dear Brenda,

Before you make a rash decision , speak to the person in charge . Did you get a signed agreement as to what you would be paid when the "big payoff" happens ? That would be helpful in your negotiation . Meanwhile , now is the time you state your needs directly . Your needs , as a matter of fact , are this woman's business at this point. If she believes she needs you to see the project to completion , you need to get the point across to her that you require resources of some kind in order to stay . Be clear , direct and ready to walk if she cannot support you .

Maxy

Dear Maxy,

I am 16 years-old and is blessed to have two parents who love me dearly . The problem is , they ignore me without realizing it . It hurts so much.

I've always been shy and soft-spoken . My younger sister is the opposite . I've cried to my dad about feeling invisible , but he and mom simply say it's not so and tell me not to worry .They say if it bothers me , I should speak up , but that's not my personality .

It seems the only time I am noticed is if I'm in trouble , which rarely happens . I love them all , including my sister , but, Maxy, I'm tired of feeling like I barely exist . Any suggestions ?

Carrie ... Mississippi

Dear Carrie,

Your parents are not ignoring you . You sister is simply the squeaky wheel who gets more of their attention because she demands it . They don't understand how difficult it is for you to do the same , although we suspect they are enormously grateful that you are so much easier . Frankly , it wouldn't hurt to practice being more assertive ... it can be a useful skill ... but it will also help to speak to your school counselor about this .

Maxy