Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I am a 26-year-old married  woman . I love  my husband  and will do anything  for  him and I know  he would  do the same  for me .
The  problem is  , I contacted  an old  friend  after  learning  his  uncle  had died . This  guy was my first love . I only reached out to him  to offer my condolences . But then the  conversation  went  further  and we ended up reminiscing  about the past .
Since then , we've been talking  and texting  and recently began  to talk about  having sex . I know I shouldn't  give into these impluses , but really I want to . My friend  has not  pressured me .  so I don't understand why I feel this way . What should I do ?
Nameless
Dear Nameless,
You should delete his phone number from your  records  and stop before  you make  a mess of your  life .
It is not  unusual to fantasize  about  another partner . A lot of married people  do , because  marriage  can become routine  and an old flame  adds  excitement . But you need to live up  to the commitment  you made  to your  husband  to "forsake all others"." Having an affair  would hurt him terribly  and possible  lead to divorce . Put  some of that extra  energy  into reigniting  the passion in your  marriage .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I think my husband  is tuning  me out  when I talk to  him . He does not  respect my opinion , even though I know more than he does and he disregards  what I have to say . I am getting tired  of his  immature  behavior  and I would  like to  know  how  could I  get my husband to listen to me ?
Dearly Beloved
Dear Dearly Beloved ,
It sounds like  you do not respect your  husband , either . It takes  two  to cultivate  loving respect  in a relationship . When you say you know  more , what are you talking about? To make such a  statement  implies that you are smarter  and more knowledgeable  about "everything" than he is . Stop acting  like a know-it-all.
The way  to constructive  communication is to treat each other with respect . That means that you must believe that what he says is valuable  and worth hearing  , just  as he  believes  the same about you . To get him to  listen  to you may  work best  if  you start  by listening to him . Ask him about his day  and look at him when he tells you . Ask him questions so that he  reveals  greater  detail  about what interested him . Listen closely  and affirm that you have  heard what he is saying . When it is  your turn  to talk ... after he  has completely  finished his story  ... ask him  if you can tell him  about your  day . Chose one compelling  story  to share  with him , something you  believe  he  may  find interesting . Tell him the story , but resist  telling  multiple  stories  at once  . at once . Practice  sharing  bits  at a time rather  than inundating  your  husband  with too much  information . Remember to ask him his thoughts . Take  your time  and rebuild  your  bond  through mutual  respect.
Maxy

Dear  Maxy ,
Taking  my wife out to a restaurant  is  very  challenging  for me  because my wife  comments on everything  when it  comes to  ordering  her food . She requires  that  her potatoes  be at room temperature  , she  needs  three ice  cubes in each  cup  and her broccoli  spears be dipped in butter  for  5 seconds  . I say to myself , "Who makes these requests?" Well,  my wife does . She is  particular  about  everything . Is there a way  I can get  her to calm down ? Do you think  we should seek professional help ?
Need Some  Help
Dear Need  some  Help ,
Your wife sounds  extraordinarily  particular , which  understandably  can be annoying . It may be just how she is  . But  it is also possible  that she  has obsessive-compulsive  disorder . You could  have  her  evaluated  by  a mental health  professional  who would be able  to help her  develop  ways  to reduce  the degree  of intensity  that she  brings  to her choices  and decisions throughout the  day .
Maxy