Ask Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have  fibromyalgia  and other  medical  problems  and needs  counseling for  depression . I an on disability , so my income  is  limited  and I am unable  to drive . I was wondering  whether  you could  help me .
H.
Dear H .,
Please  try one of these organizations  : the National Fibromyalgia Association  ( fmaware.org ); The  American Chronic Pain Association ( theacpa.org ); United  way , YMCA  and  YWCA; the Samaritan Institute  ( Samaritan-ninstitute.org );  and  Recovery International  at ( lowselfhelpsystems.org ) . You can also find  low-cost or  free counseling  through  your local  hosiptals  and  university psychology  and graduate-school  counseling  departments .
Maxy

Dear Maxy ,
I have  a former  intern  who reached  out to  me  recently  to ask  if I would  give her  a recommendation  for  a job . The  job she wants  to get is  one that I  doubt  she  can do . She was  not  attentive  while  she worked  with me, she was  a strong  writer  and she  was  a poor  communicator . The  job  she applied  for is  in the  communications  field . I do not  want to badmouth this  young  lady, but  at the same time, I do not want to lie . If I misrepresent her, she will likely  fail on the  job  and my  credibility  will come  into  question . How should I handle  this ?
Wanting to  help
Dear Wanting  to Help ,
Contact  your intern  directly  and request  a meeting  ...  face to face  if possible . Be honest with her : Tell her that during  her tenure  with you, she did not  demonstrate  skills  that would  suggest  that she would be  proficient  at the  job in question . Ask her  what she has done  since then to strengthen  her abilities . Ask her  if she has  worked  for  anyone  who can  vouch  for her in that capacity . That person  should be  her reference .
Tell her  you care  about her  and her  well-being  . To that end , you cannot in good  conscience recommend her  for something  for which  you believe  she is unprepared  . If  you can, suggest  a line of  work  for which  she  may be  better  suited .
Maxy

Dear  Maxy,
My neighbor's  tree hangs  15  feet over  my property line  and shades  my crabapple  tree . When I asked "Ralph"  to trim his  tree  so that mine  could get  some sunlight, he  went  ballistic  and refused .
Whenever  Ralph  and his wife  go on vacation I water their  dozens of  plants  and take in their mail . I no longer  want to do either of these  things, because they obviously  don't  appreciate  it . I  once  asked   them to watch my dog  when I needed to  go to the emergency  room  and they wouldn't  do it .
Ralph  got into a fistfight  with the  neighbor  on the other  side  when the  man wanted  to install a  fence  on his property  . He  once  physically  pushed  the  cable installers   when they tried  to lay down  cable . All I want  is for  Ralph  to trim  his  tree  so mine  can survive  . Do you think I should water  his plants  and take in his  mail  ?
Unhappy Neighbor
Dear Unhappy Neighbor ,
Ralph sounds  like  a loose cannon . It's  your decision  whether  or  not  to take  care of his mail  and plants . You are  not obligated   and he  certainly  does not  reciprocate  .
But  about the tree : In most cases  it is  legal for  you  to trim  the branches  that hang over  your  property  line, provided  you do not  harm the tree .
However, I recommend  you confront Ralph  directly  with this because  he is  so volatile  . Do you have a neighborhood  association  that can help  mediate  the issue ?  Would his wife intercede ? As a last resort  you can take  Ralph to  court .
Maxy