Brain Sludge

Have you ever wondered why phonetic isn't spelled the way it sounds? Sure you have. The English language makes no sense. For example, why do 'fat chance' and 'slim chance' mean the same thing?
And this is confusing;'cleave' means both split apart and stick together? If 'Mnemonics' are memory aids, how come I can never remember how to spell it ? Ridiculous, that a TV is called a 'set' but you only get one. It also annoys me that if you deliver something by 'car', it's a 'shipment' but if it's transported by 'ship' it's 'cargo'. Why does the word monosyllabic contain five syllables?
 If pro is the opposite of con, then progress should be the opposite of congress? Hahaha! Now that one makes sense. I could go on  about the English language, and I generally do, but I have far more important things to grouse about.


Like Driving
Here's a pet peeve of mine, if you can't drink and drive, why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor, and why are there parking lots at bars? And speaking of driving, why is there braille on the keypad of drive-through ATM machines. Also, how does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings, huh? You see what I mean? Do they have reserved parking for non-handicapped people at the Special Olympics? I noticed something really weird recently; when people are driving along looking for street names, they turn the volume down on the radio. I just don't get it. Well that's enough about driving.


Scientific Sludge
Here's a few scientific things to ponder: When you over-dose on Gravol, how do you induce vomiting? Supposedly, nothing ever sticks to Teflon,so how do they make Teflon stick to the pan? If someone invented instant water, I wonder what they would mix it with. What was the best thing before sliced bread? Should there even be an expiry date on my sour cream? What amazing force in the universe pops up the next Kleenex? How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes? When you dial wrong numbers, they are never busy...how come? It doesn't make sense to me that kamikaze pilots wear helmets...doesn't that defeat the purpose?  If you yelled at your plants instead of talking to them I wonder if they would still grow, but be very troubled and insecure.
Can you tell me what they pack Styrofoam in?  Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? And finally...have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?


And what about animals ? What about them ?
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water...Hmmm? What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? Also, I have noticed that sheep do not shrink when it rains.
 How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign? If you put a chameleon in a mirrored box what color would it change to? What should you do if you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?


The Human Element
Before the light bulb was invented, did a candle light up over peoples heads when they had an idea?
Why is it, whether you sit up or sit down, the result is the same? Does anyone know why men have nipples ?  If you spin an Oriental person around and around, does he become disorientated? Just before someone gets nervous, I wonder if they have cocoons in their stomach? If the cops arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? If you ate pasta and antipasti, would you still be hungry? If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do they all drown? When a man is standing in the middle of the forest talking and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong? It makes no sense that cemeteries raised  their burial costs and blamed it on the cost of living. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? I think I just did that.


Brain sludge is all that useless trivia that builds up in the bottom of your brain along with all the dumb questions you would like to ask but don't. I feel a lot more clear headed now. Have a good night.