My husband and I frequently go out to dinner with several other couples . One of the wives is a vegetarian . She sometimes makes a scene with the server. She argues about the way things are prepared and accuses the wait-staff of lying .
It's become quite embarrassing and some of our other friends refuse to go out with her anymore . It recently happened again . My husband and I were mortified when she sent her meal back and accused the waiter of giving her the wrong dish . It ruined our night .
I think we should say something, but my husband thinks it will ruin our friendship . Any suggestions ?
Carnivore
Dear Carnivore,
It is not unheard of for restaurants to prepare meals with chicken broth or beef stock without declaring it . However it is rude to accuse the wait-staff of lying and cause a scene . I recommend you do a search in your area for vegetarian restaurants when socializing with this couple . Otherwise , let them know you won't be going out to eat with them because it is too stressful .
Maxy
Dear Maxy ,
I have been dating someone for a month and we have a great connection . He seems to be very comfortable sharing and being vulnerable with me; however, he seems to have sudden mood swings, get snappy and distant and withdraws suddenly . I know he's having (un) employment issues and often talks about his difficult upbringing, which he is trying to forget, but I don't know how much of this behavior to deal with before I am putting myself in too much emotional danger . How do you know when to continue being patient and when enough is enough ?
Nowhere to Turn
Dear Nowhere ,
One month is not long enough to truly know a person . You are still in the early stages of learning about each other . What you have described sounds like depression, sometimes caused by circumstances, sometime based on neurological challenges . If possible, recommend to your boyfriend that he go to the doctor and get a physical . Point out that you have noticed that he has been going through major moods swings and you are concerned about it . Remind him of how much you care for him and you want him to be healthy .
Encourage him to get that help . If he refuses and continues to be emotionally volatile, you may have to distance yourself from him for a period of time .
Maxy
Dear Maxy,
My male friend is gay, but I think he is interested in having a relationship with me . I am female . He seems jealous when I mention other guys . What's the best way to initiate a conversation about this without embarrassing him or myself ?
Off-Kilter
Dear Off-Kilter ,
This would not be the first time two friends ...heterosexual and homosexual ... could fall for each other . While I am not an expert on this, I have witnessed a number of friends who have found themselves in a place of intimacy that grew out of their genuine love for each other . Unfortunately, the instances that I have witnessed did not turn out well because it was almost a suspension of reality for them to be intimately engaged for the long haul .
You can't know unless you talk about it . Be brave and ask your friend what's up . Point out that you are getting the sense that he is interested in you romantically . Ask him to define what is happening . Talk about where you both are and what you want for your friendship . Do know , that it is unlikely that love no matter how real, can trump nature .
Maxy
Dear Readers ,
Sunday , December 8 , is The Compassionate Friends Worldwide Candle Lighting in memory of all the children who have died . Please light a candle in the evening at 7p.m. local time and remember them with love . For more information , log on to compassionatefriends .org, thank you .
Maxy
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